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Archives from 10/18/01 --- |
- I have been married for almost
9 years and in April this year my husband told me he was no
longer in love with me. I stayed with him, and found out that he
had been talking with a girl on his cell phone. He claims
nothing is happening, that this has nothing to do with her, and
that he hasn't been in love with me for the last 4 years. He
says he loves me, but more like a best friend, or sister. I say
you don't have sex with friend or sister. I am about to graduate
from graduate school in December. Could this be a threat to his
ego? He only has a high school diploma. He says that the
schooling has changed me. I have moved out in the last few days
and have professed my love for him, but he says he is confused
and has to figure things out. I'm just in limbo waiting to see
what he gets figured out. I don't think he knows what love is,
he has been trying to use material things to make him happy and
now I think he thinks getting a new wife will make him happy.
I'm still holding out. Should I go back begging or wait for a
decision?
- Denise, Age 27
It's always better to deal from a position of strength. Tell him
to fuck off if he's not sure about you and your marriage. Tell
him there are other men out there. Then see what happens. If
he's committed to making things work deep down, he'll respond
with care to your frontal approach when he realizes you're not
the only one with something to lose. If he's headed away from
you anyway, this will help make it go faster and provide you
with the answers you're seeking. Maybe in a way you have
outgrown him? Have you? Maybe he feels that way from time to
time. Being dumber then your woman can be like having the
smallest penis in the room for some guys. Whether or not that's
the problem is debatable. He's been feeling this way for a long
time. I think it's just a coincidence that you're finding out
near graduation.
- The Man
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- My long term boyfriend is
obsessed with having sex any moment possible. How can I get him
to tone things down without sounding horrible?
- Laura, Age 19 from England
Have you tried smearing fish oil on your privates? It'll be a
month before he ventures down that way again. (Kidding!!! 
DO NOT smear fish oil anywhere near your privates unless you
have a fish oil fetish and you've been doing it for years.)
- The Man
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- My boyfriend and I have been
dating awhile and we both have put off sex because we feel we
aren't ready yet. Well I should say I feel I am not ready yet.
He wants me to "go down on him" and he being my first
I do not have any previous experience. I wanted to know why some
girls think it is the grossest thing and what if any
consequences of swallowing are? ...
- Kristyne, Age 18 from Maryland
Talk to your doctor about the medical consequences. As far as
the grossness factor, here's the deal. No matter how you feel
about it now, you're probably not going to know for sure how you
really feel about until you try it. Even then you may find that
your opinion changes over time. I've been with women who, with
no encouragement whatsoever decide it's time to meet Mini Me.
Other's wouldn't go down there if you paid them to. It's a
totally personal thing, so don't worry about what your friends
tell you. This is something you're going to eventually need to
find out about for yourself.
- The Man
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- What is your general feeling
about women dating a younger man. Specifically speaking a 38
woman with a 29 year old?
- Ann, Age 38 from California
I always assume it's a mutual sex thing. Have fun.
- The Man
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- Hi Answer Man. You are great!!!
Anyway, I have a problem. At work there is this very attractive
guy who likes me, but there's another man that treats me so nice
and jokes with me, except he's not so attractive. Who should I
date? They both like me. Help?
- Bambi, Age 26 from Florida
Depends on a lot of things. For instance, are you ugly or
attractive? If you're hot, date the ugly guy. It'll be a nice
change, probably. And he's liable to treat you better. Hot guys
get more chicks then other guys and so they can afford to treat
them with less regard. They aren't afraid of being dicks to
women. If you're ugly then go get the attractive guy. Have some
fun. Date the ugly guy when you're sick and tired of putting up
with the hot guy's shit.
- The Man
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- My husband's ex is always
trying to get him back. How do I avoid letting her attempts
bother me?
- Angel, Age 36 from Indiana
You can't. It's a natural response to a threat. Ignore her.
Living well is the best revenge. Besides, jealousy is a sign of
weakness. Husbands can smell weakness, and it smells bad. You
need to present an 'I'm not worried about her' image to your
husband. Maybe that alone will be enough to make you feel less
worried about her attempts. If you get self conscious, jealous
and worried it might end up doing more harm then good. It's okay
to be upset, but you need to keep it to yourself as much as
possible.
- The Man
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- Do you
have any idea how busy The Answer Man is???! If he doesn't have
time to answer your question, you can always get answers in the
"Ask Each Other" forums from other people just like
you.
Click
Here
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- He's 62 I am 37 (we make love
at least 5 times a week and have the most satisfying sex). What
are the chances he really loves me and is not just in it for the
sex?
- Louise, Age 37 from California
Who cares? Any 62 year old guy boning a 38 year old woman 5
times a weeks is playing with fire. (Yes I know I'm going to
hell  )
What are you worried about? Besides, 38 year old women who
consent to sex with 62 year old guys aren't exactly falling out
of trees. Chances are, you're safe.
- The Man
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- Seems weird, but at times I
feel out of place talking in a group of people. When I'm with a
girl, I'm lost for words or topics after a very short talk. Its
like I'm always thinking about what I can say next. What can I
do?
- Sunny, Age 23 from Colorado
You seek something called "the gift of gab" young
Jedi. It's a skill that takes time to master. The trick is to
stop trying. If you're always thinking about what to say, your
subconscious mind isn't working. That's where new thoughts come
from. In other words, stop trying so hard and it will happen
more naturally.
- The Man
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- Is masturbating considered
loosing your virginity? I am serious and curious.
- Wanda, Age 19 from Oklahoma
No, but how is it you're from Oklahoma and have never had sex by
age 19? I'm serious and curious too.
- The Man
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- I am 48, married 3 years to a
wonderful woman (who is also 48) who I love deeply. We are
incredibly happy. Our life is exactly what we want it to be. Our
sex life is very good except for one thing. Her vagina does not
give me enough friction to have an orgasm easily. I know this is
a good thing for her since I can normally continue in
intercourse for more than 45 minutes if I can stand the physical
exertion on the rest of my body. I can orgasm easily during
masturbation or oral sex but her vagina gets so heavily
lubricated and opens up to such an extent that I have a lot of
trouble ejaculating. In fact about every other time (we have sex
every other day on the average) I have taken to faking an orgasm
because I get tired physically. Sometimes after doing this, I
will go and masturbate to get off. Anything you can think of
that would help?
- Jim, Age 48 from Washington
This is a case of simple text book physics. I suggest you fake
it sooner on so you'll have more energy to masturbate and spare
your back a little. 
I've heard of women getting operations to tighten that thing up,
but that's a tough sell. If none of that works, just fuck in the
ass.
- The Man
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- I am just re-entering the
dating scene and have met a man that I like. We have been out
twice and he came to my house once. We always have a great time,
and end up kissing, but nothing further. He then made tentative
plans with me, but has not called. He used to write me emails
all the time. Is he already bored or busy with his business?
- Julie, Age 38 from Illinois
Some men like the hunt more then meal. Don't take it personally.
There's nothing you can do about it. Some guys simply aren't
relationship guys. If he's lost interest that quickly, you're
not right for him or he's not right for anyone. Either way, it's
time to move on.
- The Man
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- Can my girl get pregnant if she
was a virgin before I had sex with her and I popped a little
inside her?
- Jon, Age 15 from Pennsylvania
Let me put it this way, Jon. That pop was the sound of your
future. Keep it in your pants until you learn how it works, kid.
- The Man
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- Listen to The
Man's 10 Minute Internet Talk Show, built for your coffee break.
Click here
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- Hi The Man. I desperately need
your advice. Eight months after quitting my ex-boyfriend (who's
36) of six months, he's still very much on my mind. I knew he
wasn't the right guy for me from the start: he hurt me a lot
emotionally, never backed me in what I did and acted really
harsh (besides always talking of his ex who was just 18). But
he's still on my mind. Since then I've dated two other guys (one
for 2 months and another for 6 weeks) but I always leave them
because I don't think it's fair on them that I'm thinking of
someone else. I always repeat to myself that he doesn't deserve
me. As a mater of fact he never even tried to convince me to get
back together after the break-up. Can you give me some salient
advice on how to deal with my problem please?
- Alexia, Age 27 from Australia
Time heals all wounds. This is one of those things that you just
need to 'get over' and that can take time. The truth hurts. The
good news is that you'll be able to see this coming the next
time and avoid the situation before you get too involved.
Hopefully, anyway. Some problems don't have a quick fix,
unfortunately. This is one of them. At least there's a silver
lining.
- The Man
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- I'm a 25 year old female with a
very good job and income. Should I let the guy do the paying on
a date at a pub/restaurant if he does the asking-out in the
first place? Is it ok if I offer to pay instead? Or do guys
prefer doing the paying?
- Michaela, Age 25 from Malta
This is a play-it-as-you-see-it scenario. I've let girls pay
before, but some women offer only because it's a courtesy and
have no intention of paying. In my not-so-humble opinion, I
think in today's environment it's okay for a girl to pay once in
a while if she offers. Frankly it's kind of nice to see since it
demonstrates an appreciation for me as a person when she offers
to pick up the bill. I admit I feel a little strange, however,
but you get used to it after a while and then it's like no big
deal. Also, I just want to say that if some girl is so proper
that she's going to dump me because I accepted her offer to pay
for an occasional dinner, then fuck her. I'm not her type.
- The Man
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- My co-worker is one of the
coolest guys you'll ever meet. We started working together in
April and until this day he's like my best friend basically. He
backs me up when I'm in a bad spot and I return the favor. We're
always joking, back and forth... insulting each other like no
end but it's a trip. Needless to say, this guy is cool with and
I guess I'm cool with him too. However, last month, August... He
revealed to me that he is Gay. I was shocked, very damn shocked
for a few days after that and it was real weird around him. I
guess I'm cool with it now but I can't seem to really fully get
the "uncomfortableness" of it to go away. Is it me? or
would you consider this a normal set of feelings for any guy in
my situation?
- Omar, Age 18 from Illinois
Don't sweat it. It's normal to feel uncomfortable. I mean, it's
not like he told you he was a good cook or something like that.
I think it's perfectly acceptable to be uncomfortable when
someone voluntarily tells you about their sexual preferences.
Think about this for a minute - wouldn't you feel uncomfortable
even if the guy WASN'T gay? For instance, if I were hanging
around with a co-worker and all of a sudden he decided to blurt
out that he was heterosexual and he liked women, I'd be a little
weirded out. I mean, why would you all of a sudden say that to
someone? Why would they think I care? I sort of think that some
homosexual people secretly wonder if straight people can tell
they are gay. I have a feeling that some gay people enjoy seeing
the reactions of their friends when they find out the 'secret'.
I bet, in a harmless way, it can be quite entertaining for the
gay guy. In a nutshell, I think it's a little strange, often
inappropriate, but basically harmless.
- The Man
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- I have had several bad
relationships over the years and I believe it is because the men
I date are not mature enough to have a serious relationship.
Because I am tired of dating people that don't want to stay
around, at what age do you believe men are ready to settle down
and get married?
- Nicole, Age 21 from Iowa
It's always about 2 years from what ever age your current
boyfriend is, I'll bet. For girls like you, marriage is like the
holy grail and you are Indiana Jones, ready to brave death in
the search. The more you want it, the harder it gets to find.
You're 21. Relax, baby. Take a chill pill. Give yourself a
couple of years. If the guys you're dating don't want it, then
maybe on some deep level you don't want it either, eh? In a
couple of years they'll get there and then you'll have a whole
group of guys ready and willing to make you into their princess.
Some things are better not rushed.
- The Man
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- I am a freshman in high school
(I'm not that developed) but this one teacher named "Mr.S"
always looks at my butt, every time I walk by. I also noticed
that he does not check out other girls. I went to the social
worker and she said that they cant do nothing until he touches
me. He also winks at me. How can I get him to stop.
- Samantha, Age 14 from South Carolina
I think you can fix this by using the fact that he winks at
you. Tell him you feel uncomfortable when he winks at you. That
way you don't have to mention that he stares at your butt, which
might be embarrassing for you. Or you can ask the guidance
councilor to ask him to not wink at you. Either way he should
get clued in you don't want him being that friendly. He's likely
to stop after that - especially if the councilor brings it up
with him. This is a good way to get him to take notice without
having to accuse him of something really bad like staring at
your butt. I think it's totally inappropriate for him to do
that, but you should remember that he's only human and may
perhaps be doing it without even noticing. Maybe you remind him
of his sister or friend from when he was a kid? Who knows? Give
him one last chance to stop by cluing him in that you don't like
what he's doing and if that doesn't work, then tell your mom and
dad. They will, for sure, put an end to it.
- The Man
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- Hi, my name is Madeline, I'm
sixteen, I have huge tits, and a nice firm round ass, and I seem
to turn my boyfriend on. But when it comes down to us having
sex, he'll get hard and when we get down to having intercourse,
once he puts his dick into my pussy he'll start humping then,
about fifteen seconds later he'll start to get soft and then
it's over.
- Madeline, Age 16 from Tennessee
Wait. Let me get this straight. You're 16, you have huge tits
and a nice firm round ass and you want know why he's getting off
you in 15 seconds? Do I really need to explain this? I want to
know what took him so long? p.s. you're too young for sex.
- The Man
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- Okay. One of my bosses and I
are in this really tight knit group of friends from work, and we
are really good friends ourselves. One night, I drove her home
because her car was busted and she needed a ride. Well, we got
into the house, one thing led to another, and we wound up having
sex. She has a boyfriend (whom she hates, and calls
"asshole", but she is still with him). Also we hang
out with our co-workers (who can never know about this) on a
regular basis. Should we try and talk and make it work or
should I just forget the whole thing?
- Lucas, Age 21 from Michigan
I'm one of those guys that thinks, at least in principle, that
if someone is in a relationship you should not pursue them out
of respect for your fellow man. If she's with him then it needs
to be her choice to leave. I don't think it's wrong since she's
not even engaged, to present yourself as available if she asks
you to continue to do so, but I think it should be her idea.
Otherwise that makes you a dickhead.
- The Man
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