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"The Answer Man" is updated once a week. All the new questions appear below on the home page. Enter your email address in on of the forms above or the one on the left to be notified when the new questions appear. - Thanks! - The Man.

--- Archive updates from 09/20/00 ---

• My boyfriend is telling me that some woman is hitting on him at work. Why is he telling me this? Is it to make me jealous, or to warn me about something?
  - Sabrina, Age 23
  
  That one is really hard to say. My very first girlfriend was really insecure. She used to tell me she had other boyfriends (we were young and I believed her). Anyway, I finally got so upset with all of it I dumped her. Image - she was telling me stuff like that because she wanted to keep me interested and I ended up dumping her over it. So lets think about this for a minute. If he's trying to break up with you, then there's nothing you can do. If he's trying to make you jealous, well then there's still nothing you can do. If he's just telling you the truth because he thought you might be interested then I'd say he's stupid and there still nothing you can do. Under the circumstances, I'd simply tell him to keep his yap shut and that you're not interested in hearing about it. Let this be a lesson to people out there: If you're going to lose your man or woman over something, lets make sure it's over something WORTH losing him or her over. Losing them because you tried to mess with their mind and things went wrong is absolutely boneheaded if you ask me (and you did).
  - The Man

• I have been in a relationship for about three years and engaged for about two. Since I am a minor I have to have parental consent to get married. I finally got the guts to ask  ask my Dad, and now the guy acts like he doesn't want to get married. Is he just  engaged to me to keep me around, or does he really love me. How do I bring it up  to him that I want to set a date, without making it sound like I'm pushing him? Please help me!
  - Marie, Age 17
  
  Here's the best help of your life: COOL IT. You're way too young to get married. What's the rush? To me this is very ironic - you're worried he's "just keeping you around" while in fact you're the one who wants him for a trophy or something. The important thing about relationships is not the ring on your finger, it's the sense of togetherness. It's other hand that's holding yours. Besides, there's a very big world out there and a lot of great guys and great experiences. You'd be giving up a lot to get married and for what? Then in 15 years when you're 33 and finally ready for a divorce you'll be bitter that you missed your childhood, college, travel and about a thousand other great experiences had by other people who are smart enough NOT to get married or pregnant at 17.
  - The Man

• I know I am very young, I am extremely stupid and I hate myself. I had oral sex, me and my EX boyfriend were only going out for 2 or 3 weeks, and I feel like such a slut. I feel too old for my age, in the end I feel stupid! I doubt you will be able you help but, is there anything I could do to make me feel better. And please don't say anything harsh, I'm sure that I am depressed because of this.
  - Calli, Age 14
  
  Actually I wasn't going to say anything harsh, except that you're being way too hard on yourself. There are 11 year old girls out there with children. All you did was make a little mistake. In another couple of years I wouldn't even call it a mistake at all. Take deep breath. You'll do fine.
  - The Man

• How can you tell if a girl has a boyfriend just by looking at her?
  - John, Age 28
  
  Is she looking back?
  - The Man

• When I met my fiancé he had been single for a few years. During those few years he acquired a huge collection of Playboy. Being single I didn't mind, but when we got serious I made it clear that I didn't like the fact that he still had them. He made it a point to keep special editions. Two years has gone by, we have talked about marriage, we got a house together and a vehicle. Pretty serious. My daughter had over heard us one night in the bedroom so that has put a damper on our intimate relations. We are not intimate nearly as much as we used to be. Now he has searched out the porn websites. Trying to keep it from me. I had low self esteem when we got together and over the two years it has gotten worse because of his porn. We have not spoken to one another for four days and it is making me crazy. It seems that he has reversed the anger towards me as if I did something to him. I feel he has insulted me as a women and has destroyed my self esteem. It has gone too far and I don't know how to fix it. He knew something was wrong when he approached me as I was crying. I didn't discuss it because I had to think about what I was going to say. He has now clammed up and has not seemed interested in what the problem is. Is it me? Am I not doing enough for him or could this just be a 'man' thing? I have been told that men are visual, but does that excuse this behavior?
  - Natalie, Age 28
  
  This is your fault. I hate to say it, because your self esteem is already in the toilet, but you need to realize that his looking at porn is no big deal. Hell, some couples even do it together. Your interpretation of the porn is what's causing the friction. Somehow, in your mind, you have assigned your reaction of "I MUST BE A BAD LOVER OR AN UGLY PERSON" to his action "BOYFRIEND LOOKS AT PORN". That's your whole problem. Here's what you need to do: Get over it! Some time ago a woman wrote to me and said she wanted to end her marriage because her man closed his eyes during sex. She said she was insulted as a woman. I think there were other problems. I mean, who gives a shit really if he likes he eyes open or closed?? The same week I got an email from another woman who was freaked out because her man stared at her intensely why they were having sex. Exactly the opposite situation. My point in all this is: Something this trivial isn't "WRONG" just because YOU don't like it, and your blaming him for your own low self esteem isn't helping. Take responsibility for yourself and your feelings. You'll feel better, you'll have a more positive outlook and you'll have less stress and a better life.
  - The Man

• I have been married for 17 years. My husband has had a serious drug problem for several of them. He would do good for a period of months, then get back on it (crack cocaine). He is now in prison for a couple more months. My question is this: I work with a man that I am crazy over. We have been friends for a while. He has kissed me and tells me all the time he loves me. Of course, he has asked me out many times and I have said no because I'm married. I want him bad! Should I just do it? If I did, how could I look my husband in the eyes when he gets home? Am I too old fashion or what?
  - Tammy, Age 36
  
  What do you mean "look your husband in the eyes?" Why would you? You should be with one guy or the other. By the way, your husband sounds like a loser.
  - The Man

• My boyfriend likes it when I put dildo's in his ass. Is this normal??
  - Joan, Age 22
  
  Normal? By who's standard? Mine? I was once with a girl who wanted to push one of those things up my rear. Nothing doing. I didn't think she was weird but it was her toy and I couldn't help wondering where else it had been, not to mention that's really not my cup of decaf latte, if you get my drift. If your man likes a fatty in his can then squeeze one up there for him as long as you don't mind. Who cares what the 'Jones' think??!
  - The Man

• Why is it that when a girl says that she doesn't really want to have sex or anything with her boyfriend, somehow he seems to take her clothes off and have sex with her anyways. If she doesn't really say no then though, that's not really rape is it?
  - Amber, Age 15
  
  Amber, sounds like you didn't really mean 'no'. I've been with girls who've said 'no' and really meant 'yes'.  If you let a guy try and try and try, eventually he's going to wear you down. That's what happened to you. When you start to get all turned on, it gets harder and harder to say 'no' and mean it. Also, most of the guys out there aren't going to quit trying just because a girl says to stop. Especially the really young, horny determined ones. Those guys are the most dangerous of all. They're only going to stop trying when the lights turn on and the music turns off. Hell, last week my buddy spent all night with some blind date chick and finally got her pants off around 5AM. We were laughing because if she had just given in around 2AM, they both might have gotten a good nights sleep.
  - The Man

• Me and this guy have had a great relationship as friends. I've known him for about 3 years. Recently, I've been realizing that I like him as much more than a friend. He's always flirting with me and making eye contact with me almost whenever we see each other. Do you think I should go for it or wait for him? Or not do anything at all?
  - Joanne, Age 15
  
  Sounds fine. Go for it.
  - The Man

• There is this guy who is 17 and is a senior at my school. I like him a lot and we talk all the time. He knows I like him but I dont know if he likes me. He always gives me hugs and blows other girls off when he is around me. If he knows I like him why hasn't he tried to make a move on me yet? Does he just not like me like that?
  - Candace, Age 13
  
  Maybe he's torn by the fact that you're just 13. I would be. That's a big difference. Don't date anyone that old. Stick to one year older then you at most when you're only 13.
  - The Man

• About a week ago I was home alone with my girlfriend and she wanted to have sex but I didn't want to because I was ashamed of how skinny my penis is. Is there anything I can do besides painful surgery to help out my size?
  - Mikey, Age 17
  
  Not really. Sucks to be you. (Half kidding.)
  - The Man

• My boyfriend and I are interested in a threesome. We think a female acquaintance of ours is "interested" in me. We would like to get her in bed with us but we are not sure how to do it tactfully.
  - Rachel, Age 21
  
  In a word: Alcohol. Have lots of booze on hand just in case. It helps calm inhibitions. Try telling her your friends were had an 'orgy'. When she asks for details tell her they had a threesome. Tell her you've thought about it once or twice...  See how she reacts. Another more straight forward way worked for my ex roommate. He was with his woman and another friend. He started making out with his woman and encouraged his friend to get in on it. It just sort of happened. Take pictures!
  - The Man

• This is a very embarrassing question. I'm 16 and my boyfriend doesn't always seem to enjoy it when I give him head. The other night he went limp on me right in the middle. Is it something I'm doing wrong??? please help me!!!
  - Anonymous, Age 16
  
  Don't use your teeth. It hurts. Beyond that, keep trying. Also, maybe it's just him. There's a chance he just doesn't like it.
  - The Man

• Does kissing involve one tongue or two?
  - Annie, Age 11
  
  That depends on the kiss. Mostly 2. If I'm not really into it, then I'm not as frisky with my tongue, but that's rare.
  - The Man

• I have a good online friend. We talk to each other all the time. We even talk on the phone. I really like him and would like to meet him. The only problem is I told him a few lies when it first started. Its things that I think will not really matter to him. My question is do I tell him the truth or just be happy with what we have and keep my secrets?
  - Tara, Age 25
  
  What a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive... I really wish I knew what you lied about. If you told him you're physically fit but you weigh 630 lbs., he might care even if he said he wouldn't. I suggest you get it over with. Let him decide. If he blows you off, then evidently he wouldn't have made a good friend for your anyway. I certainly wouldn't surprise him with it in person.
  - The Man

• I'm thirteen and I want to know how to tell if my boyfriend really like me and what I can do to make him happy, by not doing anything nasty.
  - Lindsay, Age 13
  
  Don't crowd him. Just hang out and have a good time. If he hangs out with you then he likes you.
  - The Man

• You're wrong about not being able to get pregnant through anal sex... I did.
  - Amy, Age 24
  
  Amy, I don't know how you came to the conclusion that you actually conceived through anal sex, but let me confirm it for you - you didn't. You might think you did, but let me say it one more time just to make myself clear: You cannot get pregnant from having a penis in your butt. You can get AIDS, but you can't get pregnant.
  - The Man

• I am the kind of person who has a deadly habit of masturbating 2 or 3 times a day. Is any disadvantage to masturbating a lot? Please guide me?
  - Anonymous, Age 19
  
  I guess not - unless your habit involves sitting in parked cars in broad daylight. I'd refrain from masturbating in parked cars during the day. I'd also keep from doing it while walking in parks, sipping coffee at coffee houses and of course, doing it in fine dining establishments.
  - The Man

• Hi. I'm 13 and I feel like I got stabbed in the back. My best friend is going out with the man of my dreams. I really liked him, the thing is that I liked him for 3 years and she knew. Should I be mad or happy for her??
  - Michelle, Age 13
  
  Who cares? You're 13. Don't you mean the 'young boy' of your dreams?? What's with young people these days? Marie thinks her life is over if she doesn't get married by the time she graduates high school and you've been 'stabbed in the back' and you're not even out of training bras. You're going to meet lots and lots of other guys, Michelle.
  - The Man

• How can I accept I dick in my ass?
  - Katy, Age 44
  
  What do you mean? How can you accept the thought of it? How can you accept the morality of it? Or do you simply mean you want to know how to physically get it up in there? Try some KY jelly or some good ol' Vasalene and a shoe horn. Try unclenching. By the way, I'm all for you experimenting, but isn't age 44 a little late to be trying the back door for the first time? Better late then never, I suppose... salute!
  - The Man

• Hey, I was wondering, do guys like fingering girls more than they like getting blown? And how do you hint that you want to be fingered?
  - Mary, Age 15
  
  First you wait a year or two. Then just let things happen. You don't need to hint. Guys have an uncanny way of figuring these things out on their own.
  - The Man

• How old are you and when was the last time you fingered a girl? How many fingers did you use.
  - Dory, Age 15
  
  Good Questions!
  - The Man

• Why can men dish out the insults but can't take them?
  - Marie, Age 15
  
  Men are hunters. By the way, that's my standard answer to things questions like this. Hunters throw spears (or in this case insults) but no one likes to take insults. Taking an insult is almost the same thing as saying, 'it's okay to insult me'.
  - The Man

• I am 53 years old and I recently attended my 35th high school reunion, and one of my female class mates starting flirting with me. I think she is very beautiful. I've thought so since high school. I really would like to try and start a relationship with her, but I'm kind of scared that I might fall in love and then get hurt. I've been married twice, and both times I thought it was going great then the next thing I new they were gone. I was wondering if you could give me some advice on what I should do.
  - James, Age 53
  
  I have a hard time respecting people who are afraid to try. Those people are the world's only real losers. Trying and failing doesn't make you a loser. Not trying does. Not trying something because your afraid of failure is a waste of life and a waste of time. You might as well lock yourself in your room until you die. Here's my advice. Try. If you fail, try again. If you fail again, try again and again and again. If in 30 more years you die having failed every single time, well then you'd sure as hell have my respect and the respect of everyone around you.
  - The Man

• I'm 104 pounds and 5'4". I have a great body and an ass which guys take more pride in than me, but I have some stretch marks on the sides of my ass, do guys care about things like this, plus I have a dark skin discoloration on the back of my legs, birthmark actually. Do guys mind the slight inconvenience of the color, I have a really great tan also.
  - Cassandra, Age 14
  
  No. The only guys who are going to care are the ones who are only interested in you for your physical appearance. These are the guys who want only sex. The guys that are interested in you for more important things are going to be able to see past these little details. Don't worry about it.
  - The Man