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--- Advice Column for July, 2002 ---
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- I recently got
involved with this man that is 5 years alder than me. I
moved in because I didn't have anywhere to go. I have
dated him for about 3 months and he has already told me
that he loves me and he has proposed. I cant stand him
anymore... I feel like a bitch saying that, but I really
can't. I am not ready for this kind of a relationship. I
could move out but my pregnant sister just recently
moved in... What should I do?
- Amber, Age 21 from South Dakota
I'd move
out. You're using him, which makes you the big jerk
considering he really seems to like you. I understand
that your sister is in a bad situation being pregnant
and relying on you for help, but you both need to get
jobs, stop spending money on crap like cigarettes and
beer (I'm assuming things here, of course) and take care
of your private business like a mature adults. Besides,
how expensive could your own apartment truly be in South
Dakota with both of you chipping in? You used the phrase
'I can't stand him'. That's a pretty serious way to
describe someone who's in a relationship with you. I'd
say you better go before something bad happens. I can
already see the writing on the wall (or should I say the
headlines on the front page).
- The Man
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- Hi there The Man. I'm
Faye from the Philippines. just want to ask if
it's ok to kiss and stay intimate with a person even if
you don't have a commitment? The thing here is, I'm the
one who doesn't want to have a commitment... I just love
the feeling of being free while at the same time having
someone to love (but not a boyfriend)... I love this guy
and I told him to wait for me. At the right time we
could be more. He said he will and he keeps on telling
me that. Do you think it's ok to have this kind of
relationship? I really need your reply on this. Thanks
so much. I hope you'll have the time. Take care.
- Faye, Age 18 from Philippines
Faye, you've just described every normal 18 year old
relationship in the United States. That's kind of how we
do things over here. Date first, then marry. Therefore,
I don't think there's anything wrong with dating someone
for a while before you marry them. I've been to the
Philippines and I know things are a little different
over there, but I wouldn't worry too much - I also know
you can get away with it if you want. It sounds like you
have things under control. A lot of times, having a
boyfriend is not so much in the label as it is in your
actions. If you love this boy and you're not fooling
around with anyone else, then he's kind of your
boyfriend anyway, no matter what you want to call it.
- The Man
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- How come when a
lady sleeps with a man she is known as a
"whore" but when a guy does it he's the
master?
- Deonna, Age 19 from New York
Just lucky
I guess. 
Actually, things change once you get a little older. Men
become sluts too, and that's just a difficult a
reputation to get rid of. Why do you think guys date
outside the 'circle of friends'? Just like women do....
Also remember that men don't care if anyone calls them a
slut when they are 19. It's like a badge of honor. If
you don't let something bother you it becomes a point of
pride. Therefore, (young) men become 'the master' when
they get to sleep with a lot of women. It's all a matter
of prospective.
- The Man
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- I really like the
man I'm going out with and would like to ask him to
marry me but I don't know how.
- Jayne, Age 32 from England
Good for you,
Jayne. Why should us guys have all the fun? Interesting
question since Deonna just asked about male/female
stereotypes. There's a lot of different ways you can go
about doing this and they are all fun. On the other
hand, I get the idea you're concerned he might say 'no'.
Well, what the hell. You only live once, right? Pop the
question and take whatever answer you get. No guts, no
glory!
- The Man
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- Do you
have any idea how busy The Answer Man is??! If he
doesn't have time to answer your question, you can
always get (and give) answers in the public forums from
people just like you.
Click here if you want to check them out.
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- Hi! I'll admit
I'm not very experienced with what lurks inside a guy's
pants, but I recently ventured into my boyfriend's pants
and noticed he was clean shaven. I haven't asked him to
do this, and he hasn't talked to me about it. Why do you
think he did this and is it normal for guys?
- Amanda, Age 16 from Canada
Your man's
a little young to clean cut down there, but I don't
think it's a big deal. It just means he's seen one too
many Ron Jeremy Porn movies at his tender young age. At
his age (which I'm assuming is within one or two years
of yours) he can't be that experienced so more then
likely he's got a large DVD collection. I wouldn't worry
about it. On the other hand, if you start dating a 30
year old one day and he's already shaved, then you might
wonder about the guy.
- The Man
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- Hey. My
girlfriend just went on a trip to Quebec, and before
that, we had never been happier. Then she springs on me
that she doesn't think our relationship will work out,
and I don't know what to do. What should I do?
- James, Age 14 from Canada
Well obviously
she met the man of her dreams over there and she's going
to divorce you, take the kids, sell the house and move
to Quebec where she'll learn French and spend the rest
of her days role playing the tawdry maid for this new
lover in some twisted, modern day fairy tale. NOT. There
isn't much to do. At 14 no relationship works out. Go
find another girl.
- The Man
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Question
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- I am married to a
man I've been with for 6 years. We have a business
together and a great relationship. However, I met this
guy who is becoming our business associate and he is...
well DRIVING ME CRAZY! I cant stop thinking about him
and I am dying to tell him how I feel. I wouldn't dare
do it, but what can I do to stop this madness! I have
never been unfaithful, but it seems like the more I pray
for the obsession to be removed, the more I want to take
action! Please help.
- Lita , Age 25 from California
Things aren't as bad as you think. I usually
practice the "3 to 6 month" rule when this
type of thing happens. Basically the rule works like
this: Just wait a few months until you get to know this
person. Chances are your attraction will fade
significantly. Often times we can be attracted to people
when we first meet them only to find out that we're
really not that interested once we actually get to know
them. First impressions rarely turn out to be correct.
- The Man
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- I'm 23, never
married and told by my friends that I'm good looking. My
friends admire me for my strong character. Do you think
I should start having sex?
- Pat, Age 23 from California
What does
all that have to do with having sex? Start having sex
when you find someone worth having sex with. For
instance, if you're a hot chick and you live near me...
(j/k)
- The Man
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- This is probably
a really lame question, but I need an answer. Why
doesn't he call me? This guy had a crush on me all last
year, and recently we started hanging out. We've gone
out three times already and we both had a great time. I
really like him, except he doesn't call me when he says
he will. I called him two times to see if he wanted to
do something and he said he'd call me back, but both
times he didn't! And the second time I even told him
that if he didn't call me back I would never call him
again! Please tell me why this guy is doing this to me!
- Samantha, Age 18 from California
Do you
know what dogs do when they catch the car they were
chasing? The stand around looking stupid for a few
minutes and then find another car to chase. Chasing a
girl (or guy) doesn't mean you're in love. It means
you're interested. If you chase a girl and catch her,
all that means is that you now have an opportunity to
get to know her a little better. The result could be
good and it could also be bad. Sounds like he's decided
to move on. Those are the breaks, Sam.
- The Man
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- Hey A man. I'm
assuming you have experience with this - I was wondering
if there is a difference in sensation for the guy, and
if so how much of one, depending on whether he
does/doesn't wear a condom during sex? I've heard it's
amazing without, but I was just curious. Thanks!
- Lula, Age 19 from New York
The difference
is night and day, Lula. That's why guys will lie, cheat,
threaten, bargain and steal to get women to have sex
with them without a condom. Don't do it. It's very
dangerous for both of you, but mainly for women. After
all, you're the one who gets to wake up at 2 AM for the
breast feeding when you should be getting a good night
sleep before studying for finals. Get it?
- The Man
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- Hey I'm 17 and I
love hooking up with a friend.... I have a problem,
however. When he's fingering me he can only get 1 finger
in and it sucks because I really want him to get more
in. How can he get more in without hurting to bad?
- Ash, Age 17 from Pennsylvania
I've heard
that vagina's tend to open up and become a lot looser on
a girl's 18th birthday. It's really amazing. I can't
explain it. I guess that's why parent tell children to
wait... If that doesn't work, try a shoehorn.
- The Man
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- Dear "The
Man", I am seeing a co-worker who is 12 years older
than me. We have been involved in an intimate
relationship for 4 months now. He says he just wants to
be friends with me, but lies to me when he is talking to
other women on the internet and trying to make intimate
plans with other women. He recently started asking
questions about how I would feel about being involved
with someone who is older. He just sends a lot of mixed
signals and I know I want more than sex. I have also
been checking his email and finding love letters to and
from other women. Is this something I should be
threatened by and how do I express myself and needs
without scaring my "friend" off?
- Lisa, Age 24 from Michigan
Why are you
worried about scaring off this turd ball? Do you need to
be hit over the head with a hammer before you find out
he's a jerk? You've got all kinds of evidence that he's
playing on other soccer fields and yet you still think
you're the only game in town? I know you like this guy,
but he's a player you're a fiddle. Go find someone else
with a little respect and integrity.
- The Man
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book The Answer Man along with the Brian Cline Band to
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- What is the right
time and place to have sex?
- Candace, Age 18 from Wyoming
Depends on who's asking.
If the phone rings and Britney is on the other end
wanting to have sex, then I wouldn't care if a 200 foot tsunami
was bearing down on me. It would still be the right time
and place. On the other hand, if Janet Reno had the itch
and was winking in my direction, then I'd be on a bus
for Japan.
- The Man
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- I just turned 17
May 29. My boyfriend is going to be 21 August 28, can he
go to jail for having sex with me?
- Amanda, Age 17 from Nebraska
Only if anyone finds out.
(j/k) Actually, that would depend I think on your local
laws. I would call your local police department on the
phone and simply ask who ever answers what the law is.
You won't get in any trouble for asking and no one will
call your parents although the officer who answers might
feel obliged to give you some good advice and tell you
not to have sex until you're a little older. It's just a
good idea to know the law.
- The Man
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- I'd like to ask
your advice on a very serious subject. My boyfriend of
five years lost his mother less than 2 weeks ago.
Naturally he is grieving and he cries almost every
night. I would like to hear a man's perspective on what
I can do to help him in this difficult time.
- Dani, Age 26 from Maryland
Well this
situation is different for everyone, but I think most
people just need a shoulder and that's about it. It's
not like you can throw the guy a party. I'd suggest you NOT
try too hard. You could end up putting even more
pressure on him if he doesn't respond to whatever
overtures you make and then you'll both be upset.
Sometimes people just need you to be there, but not do
anything.
- The Man
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- Hey, over the
past year I made some bad decisions and ended up
screwing around with a guy I really shouldn't have. He
told all his friends about it and now I have this
reputation as a total slut, which I'm not. Now normally
I would not be so upset about this, except my
ex-boyfriend (we broke up because he moved away) is back
and wants to date me again. I still really care about
him but now I'm not sure if he wants me because of how
he feels or what he's heard about me from all these
other people. Side note, how can I get my reputation
back?
- Steph, Age 18 from Canada
Easy. Leave town. (j/k) Good reputations are easy to lose and hard to gain back.
Time is really the only way, but it helps to not be put
off by what others think. If you act guilty then you're
guilty, so be sure to enter every room with you head
held high. Get it? Regarding your man, if he wants you
back, he'll let you know. I wouldn't worry about what he
thinks concerning this issue. Don't make any apologies
if you've done nothing wrong. Your self confidence will
get you through this. On the other hand, if he's
concerned about what he's heard about you second hand,
then he's a jerk. Go find someone else. His loss.
- The Man
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