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--- Advice Column for July, 2003 ---
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I am really good friends with a guy from school who I have
known for many years. Recently I realized that I was falling in
love with him. I was too scared to tell him because I was afraid
to ruin our good relationship. The only possible way I could
actually get over him was to cut off all contact with him - so I
did. Now we're really distant and barely even speak to each
other. It cuts me up inside not being friends with him anymore
and it's hard because I see him everyday and he talks to all my
friends. I can't bring myself to talk to him and now all I do is
ignore him but even that is hard. I think about "us"
all the time and just wish things could go back to the way they
were before I liked him. What can I do?
- Sarah, Age 17 from New Zealand
So, to save your valued friendship, you have completely
destroyed it? Umm... okay. So at least we've established you're
no Einstein. Let me see if I can help you identify the fatal
flaw in your plan. Cutting the guy loose and ignoring him like
he has leprosy is a dating tactic usually reserved for people you
aren't actually in love with.... Does that help? Why not try
explaining the whole thing to him? The whole truth. Then if he
blows you off, at least you'll have the whole thing off your
chest, and you'll have given it your best shot.
- The Man
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How many erections can an average man have in his life?
- Tom, Age 23 from Canada
So let me get this straight... The world isn't scary enough so
now you feel the need to invent some new shit to worry about?
Okay. Fine. Let's be scientific. You start getting them around
10 or 12 years old - with any regularity that is. I'm going to
estimate throughout your life, you'll get about 2 a day give or
take. Lots of guys wake up with one, and then we have your
average guy's daily house-cleaning (if you get my drift). Okay,
so with 2 per day starting at age 10 for the next 30 years
that's approximately 22000 boners. Add Viagra and a young wife
and you're good for another 10 years, or about 7000 additional
woodies. That's a whole lot of tennis elbow. I guess most guys
get married just to avoid carpal tunnel, eh?
- The Man
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I've been dating a really great guy for about 4 months. He is
very sexy and spontaneous but recently he did something I wasn't
totally thrilled about. I woke up with dried cum all over my
face. He must have masturbated over my face after I fell asleep.
He didn't say anything about it the next day either. I don't
mind when he cums on my face but I'd rather be awake for it.
Should I talk to him about this?
- Katie, Age 22 from California
Just when I think I've heard it all.... Should you talk to him
about the dried cum on your face? I suppose that depends on how
much it bothers you. Frankly, I'm pretty appalled and I'm a
fairly tolerant person. What kind of guy jerks off on his
(sleeping) woman's face but doesn't have the decency to aim left
when he's finishing or even so much as wipe her off with a damp
cloth. What was he worried about, the pillow cases? Or was he
just testing his great idea for a new face mask for women?
What??! On the other hand, I'm sitting here chuckling as I write
this response and then I get to thinking a bit more and I
realize that I've gotten about a billion emails from women upset
because their guy is on the internet downloading porn while
she's asleep in the next room. At least your man his spanking to
your face on not Pam Anderson's. That's got to earn a few
points, right?
- The Man
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- I am a 43 year old female and have been dating a 52 year
old male for the last three years. I recently found 2 traveling
guide books for the gay man he had packed in a box in his
closet. I really love this guy and wanted a future with him. How
can I deal with this?
- Pat, Age 43 from South Carolina
Um.. You could ask him if he's gay (or bisexual). Find out if
he's ever been with another man. This seems obvious but people
do tend to over-think things, especially when they don't have
the best communication skills. Seriously, Pat - how are you
going to have a future with a guy that you can't communicate
openly and directly with? At any rate, there's any number of
good reasons for those things to be there. Perhaps he wasn't
aware the were for gay men, or perhaps he's open minded enough
to realize that a gay man's guide might have some good places to
visit even if he's not gay. Find out what he says, and make up
your mind from there.
- The Man
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- I have been dating this guy for almost two months now, I
knew him since my 9th grade year, but we were just friends back
then and now we're together. I really like him and he says he
likes me too, but sometimes I get the feeling he only wants me
for sex because he's constantly telling me how bad he wants me
and this and that. What can I do to find out for sure what he's
up to?
- Kim, Age 16 from California
Asked and answered many, many times, but here goes again.
Make him wait for sex. DON'T give it to him until you're 18. If
he really likes YOU then he'll be happy to wait. If he puts a
lot of pressure on you and then bolts when you don't give it to
him, then you'll know he was a loser. If you give it to him in
the first 6 months, then you're the loser, but at any rate
you're not ready for sex since you're too young to be a mom.
Therefore, you choice is easy.
- The Man
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- I have been with my boyfriend (Allen) for 4 years. He has
never really been that responsible. Lately it's worse ever. He
spends money without thinking and then wonders why our electric
bill wasn't paid. I take care of those things and I have plans
for a future but he doesn't seem interested... If I try to
discuss a budget he gets really mad and wont listen. I love him
but he doesn't do anything he promises.
- Sarah, Age 20 from Washington
Allen's a moron. It's time for you to upgrade to boyfriend
model B. If he's not interested in changing, then you need to
find someone who can grow with you (or you'll risk being stuck
with this mental midget). Responsibility is a sign of
intelligence in my humble opinion. Even when I was an out of
control 20 year old, I was still smart enough to stay out of
financial trouble and keep the lights on. Maybe this guy needs a
stupid woman who's not going mind sitting in the dark with no
phone. You're only going to suffer with a guy that doesn't know
enough to come in out of the rain.
- The Man
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