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---
Archives from 06/26/01 --- |
- This may sound like a minor
problem but I've been going out with this great guy for 1.5
months now. Everything's great but for one little thing. He's a
horrible kisser. Forgive the way I'll say this, but he just
sticks his tongue in me mouth and that's just about it. I tried
a million different ways to guide him or whatever, including
teasing him and you know - the usual, but nothing works. I even
told him: "Right, don't do anything for a moment" and
tried to show him and all, but NOTHING! I really don't want to
tell him because I don't want to hurt this feelings. Some people
I suppose are bad kissers for life?
- Helen, Age 22 from Ireland
Hmmmm. I remember a conversation with a girl I used to know. She
had a similar problem. She told me that if she didn't like the
guy she'd be much more direct about how to handle him. She'd
just tell him. Since she DID in fact like the guy we were
talking about, she said she had a problem letting him know. I
thought that was strange. Personally, I'd like to know if I was
bad at something like that so I could put it behind me. You
might as well let the cat out of the bag on this one. He'll get
over the embarrassment eventually and it might even open the
door for more little... suggestions... in the future. Could be a
win-win. Know what I mean?
- The Man
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- Hey A-man. I am in love with my
boyfriend of 3 years, and I just recently let him go down on me.
I am always so up tight about it, ya know, what he tastes when
he is down there... I have tried tasting myself to see if I am
good, and I cannot tell. What is it supposed to taste like, and
what can I do to get that "sweet" taste? Sorry if that
sounded nasty :-)
- Shelly, Age 22 from Maryland
Some girls taste good and others, well.... But you should be
able to tell. Your problem is quantity. You're probably just
tasting too little. I suggest you get a really big glass and
some nasty porn movies. Then get yourself really turned on
watching the skin flicks and as you get wetter and wetter,
scrape it all into a glass. Kind of like those guys milking
those venomous snakes you see on the Discovery channel. After an
hour or so you should have enough fluid to drink a few big
gulps. (Remove any pubic hair out of the glass first, by the
way.) Swish it around your mouth to see how you like it. Gargle,
sniff, etc. Then you'll be able to tell how you taste. (By
the way, I'm kidding of course. Your question, though humorous,
was really gross. Don't taste yourself unless it turns you on to
do so. If you REALLY want to know if he enjoyed it, the real
test is whether he heads south a second time. If he never, EVER
goes down there again, you've got yourself a little problem and
you might want to lay off the curry or garlic for a while.)
- The Man
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- If a guy tells you that he
wants to be your best friend, and then says that it would be
possible for you to date one another under other circumstances,
what does he want?
- Elizabeth, Age 16 from South Africa
He wants sex just like every other 16 year old. He's not
sure if he wants it from you so he's keeping his options open.
When you're 16 you don't say stuff like that because you're
profound. When you're 16 you say stuff like that because you're
inexperienced and stupid. See what I mean? He's sort of testing
the water (watching your reaction to what he says). It's kind of
like a game. He's trying to read your cards, and you're trying
to read his, but neither of you are really showing anything to
each other for fear of what might happen.
- The Man
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- I have been married for almost
twenty years. My wife has gained a lot of weight. When I look at
her I don't see the sexy woman I married, but someone with
multiple chins, big stomach, and fat legs. She does not work on
losing weight. I love her, but don't have a sexual attraction to
her. What should I do?
- David, Age 44 from North Dakota
I have a suggestion. Go get yourself some porn movies (by the
way, this is NOT my suggestion for every question but it seems
relevant right now). As I was saying, get some porn flicks, but
with really, really fat, nasty old women. You might need to call
around for these, but if you look hard enough, you'll find them.
Anyway, watch these porn movies with these really grossly obese
females for a few days. Then when you go to have sex with your
wife, she'll seem thin and sexy by comparison. If that doesn't
work, you're stuck with masturbating.
- The Man
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- This may be too... well...
detailed for you to answer. I'm just wondering, I am in a great
relationship and care about my boyfriend but am not ready to
have sex. I was wondering if you could give me some tips on
other great ways to pleasure him. Fun, kinky, romantic,
tantalizing... I just wanna drive him crazy.
- Katie, Age 17 from New Hampshire
I'm so glad you didn't ask me how to give the perfect blow job.
Geez am I sick of getting that question. On the other hand, if
you're not ready to have sex, then why the hell would you want
to rev your boyfriend's engine without giving him a place to
drive?? Never mind, that's a rhetorical question. It's better to
wait if you're not ready. It's just a little ironic to me how
many women write and ask me how to turn guys on. They all want
the same thing as you - they want to drive their guys crazy. In
your case it's funny because his car never gets to leave the
garage.
- The Man
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- I have been with my guy for
almost two years. We're best friends and get along 98% of the
time we're together. The problem is that he LOVES women. So much
so that when an attractive woman walks by, he'll blatantly
mention something about her ("look at THAT ass!"). I
take offense when he does that and he doesn't understand why,
saying that he only has eyes for me. Well, if that's the case,
then why is he constantly pointing out how beautiful these other
women are? I would never do that to him because if I did, I know
he would be just as hurt... He's 18 as well.
- Jenn, Age 18 from Canada
He's lacking tact. We all look at other people. The only
difference is that he's less discreet about it. He's either
uncaring (bad) or uneducated (also bad). You need to let him
know it's an issue, but also WHY it's an issue. Telling him he's
doing something wrong is nowhere near as powerful as explaining
why. If he doesn't change his behavior and you can't live with
it, I'd move on. This is a minor issue. If he's not willing to
grow on something minor like this, then imagine how stupid his
decisions will be when the stakes are higher?
- The Man
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- I have my current boyfriend for
about a year and a half. I have always felt I could trust him
completely. I know that he loves me and would never hurt me.
Well, recently I found something on his neck that looks exactly
like a hicky! He said he thinks he got bit by something. Should
I believe him? I just don't know how a bite would turn out
looking like that.
- Alexa, Age 27 from Ohio
I've seen bites that look like that. I'd say it's definitely
possible. I'd monitor how often he gets bitten. By the way, did
you disbelieve HIM or the appearance of the bite? In other
words, if he seemed sincere and his reaction to your question
seemed genuine, then that's a good indicator he's on the level.
If you thought he was lying then that is something entirely
different. Guy feeling counts for a lot when you're talking to a
partner.
- The Man
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- I pulled a bloke on his stag
night a while ago. It was a guy I worked with at the time so it
was a bit awkward afterwards. But I still really fancy him, and
I know he still fancies me. He's only ended up married to his
wife because he's scared of her. (Well, I'm sure he loves her
quite a bit too.) I know morally it would be wrong for me too
shag him again. But morals aside would it be a really bad idea
for me too try and pull him again? I only want a sexual
relationship with him, nothing on an emotional level, and now
that we don't work together anymore it wouldn't be so awkward.
But is it a bad idea do you think, considering he's the most
amazing kisser ever??
- Helen, Age 21 from Scotland
(For those Americans in the viewing audience, 'Stag Night' is
the rest of the English speaking world's equivalent of a
bachelor party, so Helen basically boned the guy right before he
married.) Helen, I'm not sure what you're asking me. Do you want
permission to bang this guy simply because he's rockin' your
world? Do you know his wife? She's liable to kick your ass if
she finds out. I have to give you Scottish women credit,
however. The one girl I was with from Scotland some years about
pursued me like sheriff chasing a fugitive from justice. I felt
pretty important after that encounter. Actually, I don't believe
in the supernatural, but the concept of karma is something that
I have always enjoyed applying life's riddles to. In other
words, while there is no such thing as karma, you're going to
feel like you deserve it when you go bone this guy and then
something bad happens to you.
- The Man
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- Did you
know The Answer Man can now be listened to in MP3 format? It
takes about 5 minutes to download each episode on a standard
modem. Even faster on DSL.
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- I'm in my second marriage,
coming up on 12 years this month. Two years ago I discovered
that my husband had an prior affair. The relationship had ended
physically (because we moved) but continued though various
communications (phone, e-mail, etc...) I over heard him saying
the "I love you" crap. The promise was made "I'll
never talk to her again" and then I find out, after
learning to trust him again, that he's still phoning her and
e-mailing her. etc... Am I that stupid???? To leave or not to
leave, that is the question keeping me up at night. Why does a
man have an affair and stay with his wife????
- Heidi, Age 37 from Maine
That's too bad. No one wins in situations like this. On the
other hand, you may find comfort to realize that while he's just
a phone pal with her, you're the one he's choosing to be with.
That probably doesn't help much, but there's nothing a whore
respects more than a married woman. In other words, while you're
pissed off wanting to leave, she's dreaming about the day she
can move in. Sometimes life throws us a curve. You need to
figure out how to catch the ball. If you can bear to stay, then
stay. If not, leave. Also, maybe there's a creative way to fix
all this. Are you attracted to women at all? I realize that's a
VERY unorthodox solution, but I thought I'd spit it out anyway,
just in case.
- The Man
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- Why is it that when I have sex
it feels like it burns in my vagina? After I have sex when I
urinate it burns too.
- Yolanda, Age 17 from New York
He's not banging you with a lit cigar is he? (very bad joke) It
sounds like you caught something. I'd see a doctor.
- The Man
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- I need advice! I have a best
friend who is a pre-operative transsexual. She has lived her
life as a women for almost ten years. I have only known her as a
women. She is almost more feminine than some of my other
girlfriends. It is extremely hard to tell that she is really a
man. She moved to New York last summer so I don't get to see her
very often. She is currently visiting and she stays at my house
on the nights we go out together. The problem is my boyfriend
despises her. He is from a very small town and has not been
exposed to such things. He is currently traveling for work which
has been really great for him. He is being exposed to many
different situations that he is learning from. Last night I was
speaking with him on the phone and I told him my friend was
visiting. He said that she better not be staying with me or the
relationship is over. I told him she wasn't but I was very upset
with him for not accepting her. He thinks that if she stays at
my house its like having another man sleeping over with me.
Personally I think he is completely ridiculous. I don' t know
how to deal with this. I am totally crazy for thinking this way?
Please help!!!!
- Amy, Age 25 from Minnesota
Let's face facts. He's not worried about you sleeping with
him/her/whatever. Frankly, he's simply disgusted by your friend
and he doesn't want to think about that person being in the same
house he lives in. This is a strange situation and I understand
how he feels. While I have known many homosexual people - none
of which have grossed me out simply knowing they were gay -
transsexuals do have the ability to evoke feelings of inside me
of 'this is pretty darn gross'... In other words, even though
I'm basically okay being around the whole 'gay' thing once in a
while, I'm still pretty grossed out by those things in life that
are really far out there, such as your friend. This may or may
not be a problem for your relationship. I'm fairly certain that
your man will NEVER change how he feels. It takes a strong
desire to look past this type of thing, and he's got no such
desire. If you want to be friends with this person, you're just
going to have to do it elsewhere. I'm NOT condoning his
behavior, or mine for that matter. I'm simply acknowledging it
for what it is -- something unlikely to change.
- The Man
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- What do you think of a guy who
is very committed, but flirts a lot at work? He tells his
buddies he cheats on me with certain women, but in truth he
doesn't. He tells me everything he tells his friends and we're
always together so it would be impossible for him to cheat.
You're a guy...so do tell...why the hell does he do this??
(together for 2yrs)
- Skylar, Age 19 from Canada
He's a strange puppy for telling you that stuff. I don't know
why he would lie about that too his friends. It's kind of weird
actually. Usually guys that age lie to their friends when
they're NOT getting laid, but it sounds like he's got that
situation handled with you. Lying just makes him a wanna-be-cheater
AND a liar. Very strange. He sounds kind of messed up. You need
to straighten the boy out - or you need to kick him out. Your
option.
- The Man
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- My husband does not want to
spend any time with me or the kids. For his 30th birthday he
went and partied with his friends and left us at home. I told
him that if that is the life that he wants, to pack his bags and
get out. We have had this problem for the year that we have been
married. He does not want me around to socialize, yet wants me
to stay home and cook and clean and put his underwear in his
drawer. I feel as though I am being tolerated by him. Should I
dump him or give him ANOTHER chance?
- Nicole, Age 31 from California
Tough one. Sounds like you're both unhappy. Hard to say what to
do. Marriage is hard. It's got it's ups and downs. If you stick
it out, his behavior might change after another year or five. He
might become the man you married. On the other hand he might
not. It's a crap shoot really. Remember that life is long. Would
you stay if you're magic mirror told you that things were going
to be like this for 10 years but then would improve for the last
40 years of your life? Women leave men all the time simply to
find out that the grass is not greener. On the other hand, if
you're so upset about his lack of interest you can't bear it,
then maybe you have no choice but to leave. I suggest you
consider your LONG TERM options and then choose what's best for
yourself and your kids. It's hard to think long term when you're
unhappy in the day to day life, but that's really what you need
to do here.
- The Man
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- Dear "MAN" I know you
have heard this one a million times but I have to ask. I am 25
and have never had sex or been with a woman (is there a problem
you think ??). I have major problems approaching women and when
I do (on the few occasions in my life) its disastrous. I get
nervous when I talk and I ramble on about crap trying to sound
interesting but I think women just get bored. I don't think I
look that bad, but I am insecure with my appearance (if that
makes sense). I am afraid I am gonna waste my youth trying
to "figure it out" and miss the boat. How do I
transform into a confident, witty, interesting young man that
can get a success rate above 0% with women ??????
- DJ, 25, Age from OUT OF USA:
First of all, go buy yourself some extra thick condoms and go
get laid. 25 is just too old to not have had sex. It wouldn't be
so bad if everyone else was in the same boat, but at 25 you're
kind of in the minority and you're losing time. In fact, go get
laid a few times. You need to loosen up. Perhaps getting a
little action will help you do that. You want advice? That's it
- brute force, controversy and all. Go hire the prettiest,
sexiest prostitute you can find and really enjoy yourself. Maybe
knowing what sex is like will help you relax a little around
women. Also, stop trying so hard. A watched pot never boils.
This is especially true with the opposite sex.
- The Man
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- I'm really shy and have a lot
of guy friends but none of them ever ask me out. Everyone always
asks me why don't you have a boyfriend? I have only had one
serious boyfriend but that was a year and a half ago. If I am
guy shy then how do I get them to ask me out?
- Sara, Age 17 from Texas
You're only 17. It's okay to NOT have a lot a dates when you're
17. If you were 25 (a whole 7 years later) I'd be worried.
Relax. You haven't even gone to college yet. Life doesn't really
start until after college. If you're not planning on going, then
change your plans. There's lots to learn and no shortage of boys
in college.
- The Man
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