 |
 |
|
Want to
advertise
on, invest in or
otherwise contribute to
The Answer
Man? Write
to The
Man |
|
|
 |
 |
|
---
June, 2002 --- |
- I recently met this wonderful
guy. We get along extremely well. He is smart, funny, he treats
me with respect. He is just amazing. He is also 28 years old.
The problem is that, not only is he close friend, but I have
developed deep feelings for him. All my friends say I should do
something about it, but I'm scared that by saying something it
might ruin our friendship. I'm now completely confused.
- Virginia, Age 18 from Canada
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. There's an opportunity cost
associated with doing nothing - the cost of the lost spoils had
you actually taken a risk and seen it pay off. This is a
"No Wimp Out" zone, so I say, 'go for it'.
- The Man
Ask a Question
|
- I know that I am so in love
with the man of my dreams. Should I tell him or just play it by
ear until the right time comes?
- Lynn, Age 53 from Florida
What are you waiting for, you're retirement? You're not
getting any younger. I think you're both mature enough to handle
the information at this point. He either likes you or he
doesn't. Waiting for the right time isn't going to change that.
If you want to wait for the right time, then make the
right time happen.
- The Man
Ask a Question
|
- Hey A-Man! My fiancé of almost
3 years works with a girl we will call Kenzie. When we first
started dating, he could not stand her. Lately all I have been
hearing is Kenzie this and Kenzie that. I mean it has gotten to
the point where he even e-mails her to let her know when he's
going to be out of work or when he's running late. I think they
have a thing going on but he swears up and down that there us
nothing there but a work related friendship. Even his best
friend who dates everyone and anyone said I have nothing to
worry about but my gut feeling tells me different? What should I
do?
- Dakota, Age 23 from Texas
Relax. He's just friends with her. He'd be a lot less
obvious then that if he were boning her. Also, keep in mind that
it's natural to make friends with people you work with, and some
of his friends will inevitably own vaginas, so get used to it
and learn to not be so jealous. I suggest you make friends with
her. Better to gain a friend then lose 2.
- The Man
Ask a Question
|
- I'm a 17 year old student in
love with my 24 year old teacher. I'm not thinking of pursuing
him romantically until I graduate but I truly feel there is a
connection between us. Do you think I have a chance? We seem to
connect. He also has a girlfriend who is 21.
- Eliza, Age 17 from New Jersey
So you're decided to start making poor life decisions once
you graduate. Congratulations. Just keep in mind that what goes
around comes around. You're asking for my permission to break up
a relationship. Just what kind of a schlep do you take me for?
- The Man
Ask a Question
|
- I have been dating my boyfriend
for almost 3 years. Recently I asked him for a commitment. His
response was "I don't know if I am ready to have sex with
just one person for the rest of my life. But if we could have
threesomes once or twice a year, I could commit." Because
we have done this in the past I can see why he is asking for it.
But can I really have a future with someone who asks this of me?
This is not my ideal of happily ever after - or am I just stuck
in the past? Is no such thing as a fairy tale ending anymore?
- Bobbi-Jo, Age 26 from Canada
Fairy tale endings went out with "Leave It to
Beaver", "Happy Days" and everything else that
represented the 1950s. After that came drugs, then sex, AIDS,
computers and now terrorism, in that order. Why don't you just
do what every other girl does? Tell him what he wants to hear
until you put the ring on. On the other hand, who cares if you
have a little fun once in a while. Might do you guys some good.
Life is pretty long and presumably you're also enjoying
yourself. Why would this cause you so much concern if you've
already been doing it anyway? Finally, I just want to point out
that getting a label like "married", in my opinion, is
way overrated these days. For one thing, getting a divorce has
become common place. Hell, you might be the one looking for it.
- The Man
Ask a Question
|
- Do you have any
idea how busy The Answer Man is??! If he doesn't have time to
answer your question, you can always get (and give) answers in
the public forums from people just like you.
Click here if you want to check them out.
|
- I am not with my babies father
anymore but we still sleep together sometimes. He says he loves
me but I know he is with other people from time to time. Should
I give him the boot or hope it works out?
- Jule, Age 25 from Alabama
Do whatever makes you happy, but do it with eyes open. Sounds
like he's into cheating, and you're allowing it with open arms.
He's got a great situation for a cheater. Built in sex with you
while he has other shit going on from time to time with whoever
he wants while you're home with the kids. If you're okay with
that, then great. Otherwise you should cut him off and find
something more to your liking.
- The Man
Ask a Question
|
- I have been happily married for
10 years. Our relationship is pretty darn good, with one
exception. My mother-in-law is a liar, trouble maker, and self
absorbed. She hates my guts and I feel she is resentful of me
for marrying her baby boy (he's the youngest). The problem: my
husband will not defend me to her! He just would rather ignore
it all..... why? This really hurts me and I have told him so.
However, nothing ever really changes. Is this a guy thing - not
dealing with mom?
- Jo from Texas
No. This is an "I have enough problems in my life
already without needing to get involved in the petty bickering
between my overly sensitive wife and my meddling mom"
kind of thing. Learn to ignore the woman and be thankful for the
good life you enjoy with your man after so many years. There are
others that would be very thankful to have your circumstances.
- The Man
Ask a Question
|
- Why do I get such a thrill
giving my wife different guys to have sex with? We have always
enjoyed each other's company but I get more of a thrill after
seeing her with another man. She wouldn't go around looking for
other guys, but she knows how to enjoy them when I give her one.
We have been doing this for the past 28 years.
- John , Age 51 from Canada
Sounds like you're a voyeur. It's a fetish. If you're happy
with things, why ask why?
- The Man
Ask a Question
|
- My boyfriend doesn't
respect my feelings about the things he does. What do I do?
- Alicia , Age 18 from Ohio
Get a different boyfriend. Duh. This is like when the doctor
says, "does it hurt when you do this? Then don't do
it!"
- The Man
Ask a Question
|
|
|
- I'm a 26 year old wife. We've
been married for 2 years but, together for 7. I love my husband
dearly but right now I feel very discouraged at the fact that he
always puts our marriage as a last "to do" thing. I
was in charge of the finances till the beginning of this year. I
wanted to give him a chance and I also wanted him to see how
stressful it could be. His has not been doing all that great of
a job. I'm to the point where I want to get a separate account.
What should I do?
- Confused Girl, Age 26 from California
I had a business partner who was in charge of finances once upon
a time. He sucked at it. The only thing he managed to do was
steal lots of money. I suggest you don't ever let anyone be in
charge of your finances. Not because I think your man will steal
from you, but simply because there are some things in life that
just need to be done correctly, and handling the books is one of
them.
- The Man
Ask a Question
|
- Why does my girlfriend tell me
about all of the boys she thinks are cute? I never talk about
girls...
- Matt, Age 19 from Ohio
She's insecure with your relationship. She wants you to tell her
how much you like her and all that jazz. Maybe she'll grow out
of it. I suggest you let her know how much it hurts your
feelings to hears her talk like that. After time she'll get the
hint. If she doesn't it might be time for Girlfriend Plan B
(i.e. new girlfriend with less hang-ups).
- The Man
Ask a Question
|
- My live in boyfriend caught me
tape recording his phone conversations. He broke up with me and
says it's over. Everyone says if he really loves you he will
forgive you, is this true?
- Michele, Age 26 from South Carolina
Nope. Not true at all. Trust is required for a relationship.
You've destroyed his. I think you need to take drastic action if
you want to regain his trust. Waiting DEFINITELY won't do it.
Once trust is gone, nothing else matters. If you can't depend on
someone, then love, as strong as it might be, matters little (at
least for people with brains). Stupid people don't seem to
require as much trust. If he's an idiot, therefore, he might
come back. He doesn't sound like an idiot.
- The Man
Ask a Question
|
- Dear Man, I have a friend
who's quite interested in sex. While this doesn't bother me, she
seems to think that I feel the same way and will jump into bed
with any guy who whips out his bits and pieces. Frankly, I don't
know if I'm ready for such jump into the adult world. Sex scares
me to death and I'm not comfortable with myself to go through
with it. The problem is that I don't know how to tell her all
that. She's confused when I don't go for the opportunity (which
is frequent). Um... help?
- Genevieve, Age 16 from Australia
Lead by example, my dear. You don't need to explain things
to her. She'll understand by watching you. If she doesn't get
the hint, who really cares? You'll end up doing your thing and
she'll end up doing hers.
- The Man
Ask a Question
|
- Listen to The
Man's 10 Minute Internet Talk Show, built for your coffee break.
Click here
|
- I have recently realized a
growing attraction to a really nice man, and I think that my
interest in him is mutual. However, there is a slight problem. .
. three, actually. First, he is ten years older than I am. I
don't consider this to be a problem, but I think that it does
bother him sometimes (he'll refer to my age at times or make
mention of the fact that I'm significantly younger). Second, we
work together in a professional setting, and I've heard that
it's never a good idea to develop a romantic relationship with a
co-worker. Third, my father is our boss, and "Joe"
will, at times, be more distant with me as a result of this.
What do you think I should do?
- Melissa, Age 25 from California
The fact that he mentions your age is actually a sign that he
likes you. If he didn't, your age would never be an issue. He's
putting the ball in your court by mentioning it. Insofar as
dating someone you work with goes, the only thing you need to
know is that if things don't work out, someone might be looking
for another job. It will probably be him since your pop is the
man in charge. He knows it too, so I wouldn't worry about it.
Finally, regarding that fact that he's more distant around your
dad (another sign he likes you), I'd be discrete with 'Joe' at
first. Once you've been together for a while, I'd say it's okay
to spill the beans... A few months, maybe.
- The Man
Ask a Question
|
- My friends are totally
convinced that one of my guy friends really likes me. They're
all sure that he's dropping little hints (like persistently
asking who I like, hanging out just the two of us in a dark van,
asking me if I'm looking for a boyfriend...etc.) I need a guy's
opinion...Help !
- Kristin, Age 19 from Canada
No, you need a piano dropped on your head. Take a hint! Geez!
- The Man
Ask a Question
|
- My boyfriend of almost three
years had a subscription to Playboy. I am fine with that (well,
mostly)! I'm not thrilled with the fact that we don't have sex
overly often and instead he is getting off from playmates!!! The
problem is that he told me the subscription was up months ago
and that he wasn't going to renew it. The other day I was at his
apartment and found the May and June issues!! HMMMMMMM... So I
asked him about it. He of course tried to change the subject,
but eventually he admitted that he lied. My problem is that it
was such a stupid thing to lie about. It's not like I was
freaking out about him having it! Should I worry about what else
he is lying about or just get over it?
- Melanie, Age 22 from Illinois
I'm a huge fan of the truth. As I've said even in this issue,
trust in paramount. That being said, I have to admit this sounds
to me like one of those little 'white' lies you tell simply to
avoid making the other person feel bad. I'd probably get over
it, but I'd keep my eyes open. Too many little white lies add up
to exactly what you're worried about. I would begin by having a
conversation with him about the importance of not lying to avoid
a loss of trust and then see what he says.
- The Man
Ask a Question
|
- Hey A-Man, I am 17 and
generally a goofy kind of girl, with goofy kind of friends. I
am, however, at a point in my life where I don't want to be
goofy all the time. I easily get frustrated by my friends, and
so now I spend more time doing stuff by myself. These people
have been my friends since I was a little kid. I don't just want
to not hang out with them anymore, but how do I spend less time
with them without anyone getting hurt (myself included)?
- Cat, Age 17 from Florida
Excellent question Cat. This is all part of growing up. You seem
intelligent and strong willed. You're going to find ways to make
things happen for yourself. You're just doing what the rest of
us smart people did when it was time for us to grow up. You are
giving yourself some space to find out more about life. As you
get older, you're going to expand your circle of people you call
friends. These new people will help you grow in ways you're not
able to even imagine right now. Please go to college. You'll
love it.
- The Man
Ask
a Question
|
|
Bookmark
The Answer Man Web site
Read
Old Advice Columns
|
|
