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---
April, 2002 --- |
- My boyfriend of 9 years, is
being a little difficult. He is 27 and I am 26. My cousin's
wedding is on my boyfriend's birthday. My boyfriend insists that
he does not go to this wedding because it is on his birthday. Is
it me, or is he being extremely selfish?
- Maria, Age 26 from Canada
He's being a prick. Kick him in the pants and tell him to
suck it up. He can celebrate his birthday any day he wants, but
the wedding date is not negotiable around his schedule. Frankly,
he's going to embarrass you by not showing up with you. Now, if
you're a really understand girlfriend, you could simply tell
guests that he's sick (that's a standard excuse for this type of
thing). In return, make sure he understands that you have the
right in the future to refuse to go somewhere with him - make
sure he understands that you can choose ANY occasion you want
and he can't complain. A trade, if you will.
- The Man
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- Do woman think about a
man penis much? I mean it seems like women look at it as
"That thing in a man's pants". I look at parts of a
woman and imagine every detail down to every curve. Does a woman
really think of a penis like that?
- Mark, Age 40 from Indiana
Absolutely, Mark. Our packages get checked out more then most
library books. Women are far more discreet about it then men,
and therefore most guys never even notice, but rest assured,
you're tool has been inspected by every single chick between
here and She's so Horny.
- The Man
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- My boyfriend of four
years masturbates even though our sex life is very active and
exciting. I will be emptying the trash and the "smell"
will hit me. I have tried to talk to him about it, he just gets
mad at me for nosing through the trash. I take it personally,
shouldn't he want me over his hand??? He even looks at chicks in
mags to do it also.
- Mandee, Age 28 from Virginia
Guys NEVER stop masturbating. It's like this, Mandee: I like
chocolate cake, but I'm not going to eat it every single night
or I'm just going to get sick of it. Besides, there's something
to be said for a little self pleasuring. It's quick. It doesn't
require a shower. You don't even need to brush your teeth. It's
like fast food. Don't take it badly. There's nothing you can do.
Boys will be boys.
- The Man
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- Hey Answer Man.
I am 5' 4" and weigh 100 pounds. I feel that this is
extremely underweight. Even my friends have told me so. I have
been trying to put on some weight, and my family keeps telling
me to stop because I am going to regret it. I am sick of people
telling me that I should be happy the way I am, since I KNOW
that most guys don't like bony girls. Answer Man, how do you
feel about skinny girls?
- Alicia, Age 18 from New Jersey
Actually I like skinny girls. I'm
thin myself. Thin and petite women are my favorite, and 5'
4" and 100 lbs sounds just about right for a guy like me -
or somewhere thereabouts. Keep in mind that's just my personal
preference. Some guys don't like women that thin, of course.
Either way, learning to like one's self is the most challenging
thing a young person ever has to do. If you can't learn to like
yourself, you're creating a huge obstacle to your success in
life. The trick is to not worry so much about these things.
Instead of trying to change yourself, why not try to become more
comfortable with who you are already? That's the path to true
happiness. By the way, there are women who would kill to be your
size, so chill.
- The Man
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- I am dating a man who has only
been married for a year. He and his wife have lived in separate
states for two years and they have a 6 year old son together. He
tells me that he wants to be with me but he has not filed for
divorce from her. He says the reason he has not filed for
divorce is because he is scared that he will lose rights to see
his son. I have been dating him for about 3 months and every
time he talks to his wife on the phone he doesn't want me
around. I am beginning to think that is kind of strange. Do you
think he is trying to play me for a fool?
- Pamela , Age 21 from Georgia
Why not? If the shoe fits... right? I suggest you find a guy
who's got his act together. I also suggest you get YOUR act
together. Everything sounds wrong. You're dating a married man
and he's lying to you about the nature of his relationship. You
have a big sign painted on your forehead right now that says
"dummy".
- The Man
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- Hey A-Man: Just a little
curious about some male physiology. Do guys really wake up with
hard-ons every morning? How often do guys get wet dreams? Isn't
that embarrassing?
- Julia, Age 19 from Ireland
Not every morning, but certainly often enough to merit honorable
mention. 
Some guys never have wet dreams (I've never had one - even as a
teen). I have always heard of wet dreams in association with
youths. I don't know what percentage of men continue having them
into adulthood. You're on your own for that one.
- The Man
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- Do you have any
idea how busy The Answer Man is??! If he doesn't have time to
answer your question, you can always get (and give) answers in
the public forums from people just like you.
Click here if you want to check them out.
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- I love my husband of 24 years.
I don't know why! He will not talk to me very much. We only do
things he wants to do. I feel he watches me and judges me on the
things I do and don't do. I look in his eyes, they are empty. I
never see him look at me with loving eyes or smile. I don't feel
love from him. I met a man and have known him for almost 2 years
now. I used to see him from time to time. His eyes are filled
with love and understanding. Everything about him screams love
for me. Something all woman want. I adore him and love him too.
He wants me to leave my husband so he can care for me and love
me forever. He talks to me about everything, things he doesn't
know about he will find out just to be able to talk with me
about. I don't know what to do, he is like the best friend you
can talk to about anything. What do I do?
- Pamela, Age 44 from North Carolina
Hard to say without more info about your situation, but I think
if you're 24 years into a marriage and it's not working out
anymore, then you're probably okay leaving. After 24 years I
don't know if anyone out there would be able to say that you
didn't give it a chance to work. I would try telling your
husband what you've told me - that you're not feeling the love
anymore. See what he says and what he does. Then you'll have a
better idea about what to do with yourself.
- The Man
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- I am in the process of a
divorce. A friend of my ex-husbands has started calling daily
just to chat. He has said we will go out to eat and maybe even
go to the beach together. There has been no intimacy. Today he
came by and just mentioned that someone was wanting to date him.
Since we don't really have anything going on in our new found
relationship I casually ask if he was going, to which he said,
"No". I am I little confused as to why he felt it
necessary to share this information with me. Is he trying to
find out if I care about him? Or have I made much ado about
nothing? It seemed as though we were really headed for something
good in our relationship, but I'm just not all about mind games.
- Janice, Age 54 from Alabama
I couldn't agree with you more - mind games suck. I don't put up
with them myself. I don't think this game, however, was
all that terrible. Sounds like he was just trying to feel you
out. There's a difference between manipulating you, and sticking
your toe in the pool to see how warm the water is. While I agree
mind games are a great way to ruin relationships, I would say
regarding this one to keep an open mind.
- The Man
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- Why is it ok for a man to
adjust himself in public, but it's not ok for a women to adjust
herself?
- Stacey, Age 18 from Wisconsin
Tradition. Girls have reputations to protect. They are expected
(by men and women alike) to behave at a different level then
men. In reality, by the way, I rarely see men actually reach
down and move their jewels around. I'm sure it happens more in
some places but for the most part, guys don't do it either - not
the ones with any class anyway.
- The Man
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- I have hard of people ingesting
feces. Is this healthy and what diseases can I get from this?
- Jon, Age 19
Normally I suggest seeing a doctor for questions like this. In
your case, I'll suggest a shrink. Indulging one's self is the
American way, but if you feel like eating turds maybe this is
one train you can head off at that pass by getting some help
before your Listerine bill skyrockets out of control. Remember,
doctor visits really are COMPLETELY confidential. Aside from all
this, try and remember that feces are the body's waste. They
contain things the body has chosen specifically to get rid of.
Also, a major source of hepatitis, if I'm not mistaken, is from
people eating fecal material when restaurant workers fail to
wash their hands properly after dropping the kids off at the
pool, if you get my meaning. In other words, I don't believe
there is any safe way to eat a turd.
- The Man
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- I have been dating this
person for 1 year and we have had a good time. He purchased a
house in my neighborhood and gave me a key. I helped him pick
out his decor and even bought stuff for his house. Now he is not
calling as much and we never go out. He says that I need to stop
acting all "wifey" and just be myself. I thought I was
being my self? What should I do?
- Gail, Age 36 from Texas
Sounds like he's losing interest. I suggest a little experiment.
Cut him out for a short time and see what happens. If he comes
running back then he's still interested. What you're describing,
however, sounds to me as if he's backing out of this
relationship.
- The Man
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- My boyfriend of 8 mos.
recently admitted to me that he has had, on several occasions,
phone sex occasions with a girl he met off of the internet
during the time in which we were dating. Would you consider this
a form of cheating? How do I overcome my insecurity and distrust
that has stemmed from his actions?
- Emma, Age 20 from Kansas
There are a myriad of things that a person can do in a
relationship to piss the other person off and make them feel
insecure. "Girlfriend A" might object to phone sex
while "Girlfriend B" might not. What's important here
is YOUR comfort level. If you are NOT comfortable with
his behavior, then you need to make a change or take a stand.
There is no "right" or "wrong" in a
relationship until you both agree on the boundaries. If you
can't come to an agreement together on what IS and what IS NOT
acceptable, then you're with the wrong guy. Being in a
relationship means agreeing in principle to boundaries of
conduct and then following through on keeping with the
agreement. See?
- The Man
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- After walking down the
street alone, I have noticed that many older men in cars like to
hit on younger girls. I think this is gross. I don't dress
slutty and I don't do anything for them to act this way. I'm
only a kid, and I think this is disgusting behavior. The only
way guys will leave me alone is if I walk with a guy friend, but
sometimes I have to walk alone. What can I do to make guys stop
acting this way?
- Maria, Age 15 from New Jersey
There's nothing you can do to make them stop, unfortunately.
Losers stay losers, unfortunately. I'm sure you'll be fine, but
just in case, here are some things I suggest you learn to keep
safe. Stay alert. Don't walk with your head down. Make sure you
know what's happening around you at all times. Keep a brisk pace
when you're walking. Don't talk back to strangers and don't make
eye contact if you can avoid doing so. Also, if you can, keep
tennis shoes with you so that when you're walking alone, you can
wear those shoes, which might come in handy in case you need to
make a quick exit. Finally, carry a whistle around your neck. At
the first sign of trouble, blow it hard. The noise might protect
you. If you have to walk at night alone, consider getting some
pepper spray. If you do, make sure to take a police course on
how and when to properly use it.
- The Man
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- Up until two months ago, I was
in a steady, loving relationship. There's was just one problem.
My boyfriend liked to go out with his guy friend and smoke pot.
I was fine with it as long as he didn't do it around me. When
every night became a guys night out though, I dumped him. I
thought that he'd realize he'd screwed up and do something about
his problem (arrogant to think I held that much power over him,
I know). Now we're both miserable and want each other back. He's
convinced though that he's no good for me and won't come back to
me. I've really messed this up. Is there anything I can do?
- Melissa, Age 19 from Canada
Learning experience for him. You did the right thing. He's not
ready for a serious relationship. That's just the fact of the
matter. Taking him back will probably just mean more of the
same. You may need to look elsewhere for a guy if he doesn't
change dramatically. If you buckle, you're be right back at
square 1. I think it's probably okay to get back together IF he
changes, but keep in mind you're 5 years away or more from being
ready to get married. Don't fool yourself about the nature of
things. You've been warned by his behavior.
- The Man
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- My boyfriend recently asked me
to marry him, he bought me a very expensive, pretty engagement
ring, I love it. I was doing dishes and took it off and laid it
on a table near him, I went back to get it and it was gone, I
have looked every where and cannot find it. I am not sure if he
picked it up to teach me a lesson or not because he isn't as
upset as thought, or is he? I am still looking it's only been a
couple days. Please give me THE MAN'S point of view.
- jasmine, Age 21 from Indiana
I would just ask him point blank.
Either he took it or you need to turn the house upside down. If
he did take the ring, the I'd say you're too young to get
married and so is he. That was an immature and stupid thing to
do. Perhaps it's just a precursor of things to come? I suggest
you both wait until you're older and more able to handle these
situations with a mature and adult approach.
- The Man
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- Is the truth always the
best solution to any problem?
- Samantha, Age 19 from Illinois
No. There are times when the truth is NOT the best solution. For
instance, if you cheated on your husband 10 years ago and have
not done it since, it might be wise to forget about it and not
tell him, ever. Why hurt the guy? Most of the time, however, the
truth really is best - even when it seems like ANY lie would
work better. The problem with telling lies is that there are
often costs you don't realize you still have to pay. I guess to
summarize without knowing exactly what problem you're having: I
think it's okay to lie in certain situations when you're trying
to protect others. Lying to protect yourself is usually what
leads to trouble. It's also selfish. Keep in mind, this answer
is NOT absolute and to give you an honest opinion on your
situation, I'd need to know more.
- The Man
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- Listen to The
Man's 10 Minute Internet Talk Show, built for your coffee break.
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- I have been with
"James" since May of last year. In that time he has
not held a job and he gambles uncontrollably. He will take money
for bills and things and go lose it trying to "come
up". We were basically sleeping in my car for 3 month even
though I am a manager at my job - all because of his habit. He
is not all bad. He treats me very well most of the time, but I
want out. Every time I try to walk away he will stop gambling
for a month or so, but then start right back up. I would put him
out but he has no where to go. How do I end this unhealthy
relationship?
- Honey, Age 26 from Florida
Will power, Honey. On the other hand, sometimes decisions are
made FOR you rather then BY you. In this case, it sounds like
his gambling habit is affecting your life to such an extent that
you're risking your job. If you lose your job, you're going to
be forced to make a number of significant changes in your life,
including losing this guy. So I suggest you go a little
hard-core with this loser and drop him off before it's too late.
- The Man
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- How do you make a female
want you?
- Roy, Age 18 from Arkansas
I'm glad you asked, Roy. Make a doll out of clay. Make sure it
looks just like the girl you like. If you can find some bat's
wings or eye of newt, add them to the clay. If you can't, never
mind. You'll need to dress the doll up to look like her. Try
Barbie cloths if you can't find anything else. During the next
full moon, go out someplace dark around midnight. Dance around
the doll ten times all the while sprinkling sugar and feathers
on the doll. If that doesn't work, you'll need to do what the
rest of us do - find a girl who's personality matches yours in
such a way that you two just seem to 'click' when you're
together.
- The Man
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- My girlfriend said she needs
space. I have a feeling she needs space to screw around. She say
she needs time by herself. How am I suppose to take that? I
don't think she is ready for a relationship.
- Omar, Age 26 from Texas
Follow your gut. I think you're probably exactly right. Give her
all the space she needs.
- The Man
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- I have been living with
this guy for 1-1/2 years. He still has pictures of his
ex-girlfriends in his bottom drawer. What's going on with this?
Should I say something or just let it be?
- Jami, Age 32 from Illinois
Let it be, of course. You can't make people forget their past.
Without this girl, you would not have met this guy. In other
words, his experience with her helped make him into the person
you fell in love with. If he's keeping the picture then he
obviously wants to because it's meaningful to him. Getting rid
of the picture isn't going to change his feelings, but it will
make him think you're insecure and you'll risk driving a stake
into your relationship. I suggest you just forget it.
- The Man
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