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Archives From 04/21/01 --- |
- My husband has been my best
friend for 5 years and I love him very much, but here is the
problem. We are a military family in our mid-20s with 3 small
children. We are coming to the point of re-enlisting and I
thought everything was ok because he said he was going to do it.
He calls me today to tell me he might not. He has big dreams of
music and thinks that if he can get some sort of contract then
we won't stay in the military. I of course reacted not to well.
In my eyes, with our kids being so young they need stability and
consistency. Am I wrong for the way I feel or should I have
supported him in his dream?
- Kathleen, Age 25 from Washington
I don't think you were wrong for reacting the way you did.
Marriage is a partnership (or at least it's supposed to be). If
I were you, I'd be more upset about the way he told you. When
partners decide to make major changes, it's through discussion
and agreement, or at least it should be. Things work better when
it's like that. That wasn't what happened in your case. I'd
bring it back up for discussion. You can voice your concerns -
about the way he brought it up with you and about the stability
and security of the family. Besides, if there's no 'contract'
then he'd be silly to give up a career. Music is a risky
business. Not just anyone can become rich being a rock star.
- The Man
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- Both my friend and I like this
guy. We have known him for the last 2 years. She asked me to
help hook them up, but I fell for him in the process!!! I'm not
sure what to do. We both told him how we felt about six months
ago. He responded to me, but left her hanging. We decided to
'just be friends', yet, now he tells me to write him, see him at
church, and to email him. The only thing is, he rarely responds.
Am I just a terrible friend or what?
- danie_gurl03 from Channel
3 Discussion
Sort of. You're self indulgent at the cost of your friend.
This is one of those honor and respect type things that many
people never, ever learn. There are lots of fish in the sea. We
don't need to go after every single one that swims by. It's okay
to pass up a few keepers once in a while, especially when they
belong to someone else (and ESPECIALLY when that someone is
close to you). True love, shmoo love, I say. He/She definitely
will not be the last love of your life. Not when you're 50 and
especially not when you're just 15 years old. That's just the
price you pay to be a good person.
- The Man
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- I'm your typical 23 year
average Joe liven le viva loca on this sad-ass rock called
earth. Question is - is it normal to be this age, making enough
ca$h to get by and still not know what I want out of life? How
do you know when you are really happy or really not happy...?
The search continues! If you got an answer to any of these
questions - do tell!
- Sean, Age 23 from South Africa
How is any 23 year old going to know what he or she really wants
to do? You can't know- you haven't done anything yet!! The trick
is to make a 'best guess' and just go for it. No matter what you
decide to do you'll get some valuable experience that will help
you as you get older. The problem with most young people is
this: Since they don't know what they want to do, they end up
doing nothing. The majority of the world's successful people
have one thing in common: most started when they were young.
They picked something (whether is was dancing, writing, guitar,
football, business, cooking, whatever) and they stuck with it.
Brittney Spears was competing in talent shows when she was 9. If
you WANT something out of life, decide now. It's better to be
wrong and have valuable experiences even if they are not exactly
what you want, then to be lazy and do nothing. Most people are
lazy and do nothing - and you see what it gets them. Let me give
you one more example. I decided to build a rockin' web site
called The Answer Man. No one told me to do it, and no one gave
me any money or advice.
- The Man
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- I have been seeing someone for
nearly 3 years now. We were actually "going together"
(or whatever term you want to put on it) for the first 6 mo.
Then he broke up with me. Nothing has changed since then. We
still see each other just as often as before. I am happy!! Don't
get me wrong. But, being a woman, as I am sure you know, I want
to know if I am going to hear wedding bells in the future. I
have to admit I have fallen about as hard as anyone could for
him. His actions say he loves me. At least I think so and
everyone that sees us together thinks so. But, he won't tell me
how he feels. He just says he doesn't know what he wants. How
can I get him to talk about feelings with me, if that is
possible? And how do I find out what he wants and feels. If this
relationship is going nowhere I would like to know that too so I
can try to move on. I hope you can help.
- Carissa, Age 27 from North Dakota
Carissa, a friend of mine was dating a girl and was doing the
same thing he was. Finally her dad had a talk with him and told
him to shit or get off the pot. They are married today. Whether
you do it or have your pop do it makes no difference. If
marriage is what you want then you need to let him know. There's
an old saying in the business word. Hire slowly, fire fast. If
he's not going to make the tough decisions, but that's a
requirement for you, then make something happen. NOW, on the
other hand, it sounds like you have a good relationship. Since
most wedding bells end in a divorce settlement these days,
perhaps you should consider something more conventional. In
other words, why mess up a good thing? If 'the ring' means that
much to you (and it sounds like it does) then you need to make a
move before your flower starts to wilt, if you know what I mean.
Whatever you decide to do, the same old advice rings true: Hold
him down and make him face the issues until you're satisfied
he's given you the answers you need. Then you can make an informed
decision.
- The Man
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- Hi Answer Man. I've been seeing
this great guy for a year now, but there's one small problem....
No matter what I try, he refuses to give me head! I've tried
begging, bribing, and everything else I can think of. I even
offered him a 2-hour blow job if he would go down on me for 5
seconds. What gives? What can I do? Will I ever get any head?
- Sarah, Age 19 from Texas
I think I see your problem! If a girl I was dating asked me for
'head' I would be pretty shocked. Girls give head, they don't
get head. He's probably wondering if you have a penis. At any
rate, if he's not inclined to climb down those stairs, you're
going to have a tough time coaxing him into the cage, so to
speak. Here's a few tips, just in case: try making yourself
more.... palatable. In other words, shave. Put some perfume down
there to make things less.... offensive (just in case). Have
some chocolate syrup handy. Bottom line: If he's not going to do
it no matter what, you might have to get used to it.
- The Man
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- I have a thing for underweight
guys. The problem is when I start dating them I feel really big.
Being tall adds to the problem. (I'm 6' 140 lbs) I know I'm not
fat, but would they want me to be thinner than them?
- Melanie, Age 18 from Illinois
Not really. If you're already with a guy on a date then there
probably isn't going to be a problem at that point. I've dated a
few taller women even though I typically don't approach them. I
suggest you don't worry about it. I always managed to evaluate
them on their personality. By the time I go out on a date with
someone, I'm usually already past physical appearance. In other
words, if guys are worried about your size, they won't go out
with you to begin with. If you make it to the 'date' stage then
you're probably just fine.
- The Man
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- I've been with my boyfriend for
4 months now and he said that when he is with me he feels
"joy, calm and peace". Now in your opinion what in the
world does that mean? I just don't understand.. :)
- Sally, Age 18 from Canada
What's to understand? He gave you a compliment. Sounds like
you're wondering if he loves you. I bet a dollar he hasn't told
you yet, and you're waiting. Try and relax.
- The Man
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- Did you
know The Answer Man can now be listened to in MP3 format? It
takes about 5 minutes to download each episode on a standard
modem. Even faster on DSL.
Click Here
|
- How long should it take a guy
to orgasm if he is only 16?
- Stephanie, Age 15 from California
Probably faster then the time it took to write your question.
- The Man
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- My boyfriend and I have been
dating for 8 months and have the same argument about his ex wife
over and over. It bothers me that he is renting his ex-wife a
parking stall that we own. A month ago he agreed to end the
arrangement, but still hasn't. He says there is nothing going on
and that I am immature and he is sick of me not trusting him. I
don't understand why he can't just rent it to someone else?
- Tracy, Age 28 from Canada
Maybe because if he all of a sudden pulls the plug on his ex
wife he's going to look like a complete asshole. Give it a rest,
sister. He's renting her a parking stall, not parking his pole
in her stall. It sounds like you and she DON'T get along. She's
probably aware of it and I'm sure she makes a comment or two
once in a while about you. If your husband pulls the plug on her
then you're going to make him look like a wimp. There is no way
for him to end the arrangement without looking stupid in front
of his ex. My advice to you is to chill out. You're husband is
only going to resent you if you make him look stupid - even if
it's only in front of his ex wife. In other words, making him
rent it to someone else is a lose - lose - lose for all three of
you.
- The Man
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- I have been seeing a guy
"on the side" every morning for almost a year - every
morning I give him head - I keep asking him to meet me for a few
hours outside of work so we can spend a few hours together - he
says yes, we can do that, but for a year can never go threw with
it. Is it because he really doesn't care, or because he is
getting what he wants? Wouldn't you think he would consider my
needs once in a while?
- Debbie, Age 50 from New Jersey
This one is simple. It's because he really doesn't care AND
because he is getting what he wants. If I could get a no-strings
blow job every morning without any other commitment I'd be a
happy, happy single guy. If he wanted to spend more time with
you he would. It's a shame. I almost feel sorry writing this
because I'm probably screwing up his "men dream about this
all the time" situation by cluing you in. I mean the guy
has it all perfect. He doesn't even need to buy dinner or
anything!!
- The Man
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- I want to improve my marriage
by learning to give a better blow job. I give blow jobs now, but
want it to be better. Any advice?
- Samantha, Age 33 from Texas
I can help, but not without seeing you in action. Stop by my
office and I'll give ya a couple of pointers. Always happy to
help a friend....
- The Man
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- I like this guy, but he is
black. I have no problem with that, but my dad does. You see my
dad was raised that it's wrong to go out with someone a
different race. But what I really don't see how it's fine for my
sister to date someone that is Mexican, and my aunt to marry
someone that is from Jordan. How do I make my dad see that as
long as I'm happy, that race shouldn't ever matter?
- Crystal , Age 14 from Missouri
You're in a tough situation. Missouri isn't know for it's
liberal views. Perhaps he's just worried about your safety?
Anyway this really isn't all that important. You're likely to go
though 80 boyfriends in the next 10 years. Just see him on the
side and don't worry about your dad. Be careful, as with any
boyfriend. If he doesn't treat you right, bail on him.
- The Man
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- Know anyways to enlargement
ones penis?????
- Chris, Age 17 from England
Just one. Grab it in your hand and stroke it for a short time.
Works like a charm!
- The Man
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- I met this guy who worked next
door to me. He asked me out, but I stood him up and had a good
explanation. He acts like he likes me and has even asked for my
number, but now that I have given it to him he hasn't called. We
still talk and he comes into my work when I'm there. What's up
with him? He's totally sweet and flirty...but I don't understand
why he wont call?
- Sam, Age 21 from Nevada
Sometimes we just ask for a girl's number only to see if we can
get it. Once we get it, it's almost as if the chase is over. If
you seem to eager, it can be a turn off. Be cool and just hang
out. Don't be too eager to go out with him. You know - play the
game a little. If he's interested in you, it's going to happen
sooner or later.
- The Man
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- I recently broke up with my
girlfriend of 13 months because I wasn't ready for a long-term
commitment. I still want to explore other options. Although I
feel guilty, I know it's the best thing to do, since my conduct
was making her totally unhappy. About 2 weeks ago I met this
cool girl that writes for the university paper and she got me
into writing for the paper as well. Since then we've been
exchanging emails and last week I asked her out but she refused.
I think most of all it was a matter of bad timing. Lately she's
been a little bit more expressive on her emails, but since I
come from a Latin culture and she's American, I don't really
know how to proceed. I don't know if she's interested in me or
not... Believe it or not, there are some big cultural
differences. I know at least she's the sensitive type,
opinionated and having a decent amount of gray matter. The most
difficult thing is to call her (I always screw up on the phone)
and it's kind of hard to run into her at school. I would
appreciate a kind response. Thank you!
- Reno, Age 25 from Texas
Email actually works pretty well. Why not charm her with your
superior intelligence. If she likes you, she'll figure out a way
to be in the same place as you. It's important not to rush
things. If she's interested, then you'll see her sooner or
later. If not, then you'll just piss her off by coming on too
strong. Culturally speaking, you'll have to play it by ear. You
have a tough sale. Coming from a Latino background, her being
white, isn't the most frequent combo. Finding out if she's into
it is going to take time and finesse. Under the circumstances
I'd take a 'wait and see' approach. If she were Latino as well
you could be more aggressive, but under these circumstances I'd
be less so until I knew what she was after/not after...
- The Man
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- I am dating my high school and
college sweetheart after 6 years apart. The problem is that he
hasn't been in bed with very many people since then. But, I
have. We decided to take our relationship to a new level, the
only thing was he was just as bad as a virgin. I need help, I
have had a few experiences since our prior relationship. How can
I help him?
- Michelle
When drug money gets stolen, no one reports it missing, and when
you've slept with more guys then the owner of a San Francisco
bath house, you should be equally cautious in cluing him in. Get
it??! You can't really blurt out that he stinks in bed. The best
you can do is try and show him what 'you' like. The alternative
is VERY risky.
- The Man
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- My boyfriend has a son and the
mother of his baby keeps trying to contact me telling me that
they were supposed to be married this month. My boyfriend tells
me that the relationship with this girl ended last year and that
they only share their son together and no more. He advised me to
block her and not read her e-mails, which I have done. He's
talked to her but she continues to try to get in touch with me.
She doesn't seem to take "no" for an answer. How do I
get it to stop?
- Kira, Age 20 from Oregon
Kill her. (Just kidding.) Here's the deal. This woman is a
nut. She's gone beyond rational at this point. You have 2
options. You can confront her once and for all (I'd do that on
the phone) and have it out with her, or you can continue to
ignore her and hope she gives up. Problem is, you never know
what unstable people are likely to do. I'd be careful for sure.
I'm the type of person to take the bull by the horns. You might
get her to leave you alone if you convince her that things
aren't going to change no matter how much of a fuss she makes,
but as I said - it's difficult to reason with nuts. If she
continues to get aggressive, I'd suggest you consider going to
the police and filing a police report. Good luck.
- The Man
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