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Archives From 01/22/02 --- |
- I've been with my boyfriend for
4 months now. Everything is going well. He treats me the way I
want to be treated by a boyfriend. The only thing I'm concerned
about is our sex life. It sucks. He does not have the same drive
as I do. We have sex maybe once per week. When we do, it's bad.
See, I am a freak. I want toys, slapping, call me a bitch, pull
my hair and fuck me like your mad at someone. He's like, okay,
in, out, done. I sometimes dream about sleeping with a someone
else. I don't want to lose him, I just wish sex was different.
We talked about it but it's still the same, if not worse. What
can or should I do? Please help me.
- Ana, Age 27 from Massachusetts
Ana, I feel for you. You need to teach him to make you his slut.
Guys need to learn this stuff. No one is born with the kind of
sexual knowledge you possess. It takes practice. It takes
experimentation and understanding. He's probably not sure where
the line is. Once a girl asked me to bite down hard on her
nipple because it turned her on. At the time I was really
confused. How hard is too hard? I was uncomfortable doing it.
Still am, actually. If you want him to play rough, you really
need to educate him until he's in some kind of a comfort zone
with the whole thing. If he's willing to learn, then you just
need to show him what to do. As long as he's receptive to the
idea, keep at it. If it's really a problem and he doesn't want
to learn, then you need to decide if it's worth giving up on the
relationship. Go with your gut feeling. Make sure you can live
with whatever decision you make.
- The Man
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- My man isn't athletic and I
tend to beat him at one on one things, like tennis or even air
hockey. His friends harass him a bit that his girlfriend can
beat him and I know he gets self conscious about it. Should I
just give in and let him win sometimes even when I know I can
kick his ass?
- Asha, Age 17 from New York
When you're 45 years old and you ask him if he still thinks
you're sexy even though you've gained 30 pound in your ass, what
do you want him to say? Give a little, get a little, sister.
- The Man
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- I was dating this 34 year old
man for 2 months in Ohio. I had a job offer in Florida and took
it. My boyfriend and I spent a wonderful week together in
Florida and we made plans to see each other in a month. The move
[to Florida] is not forever, but after he left Florida, crying
at the airport, he has not called. I don't want to chase him,
but I have feelings for him. Suggestions?
- April, Age 30 from Florida
Chase him a little. There's no
shame in telling someone you like them. You're not in high
school anymore. You don't need to worry as much about stuff like
that, and a little extra effort can pay off. When I met my last
girlfriend I called her the very next day and every day after
that. One of my employees mentioned sarcastically that I must
have seemed desperate but he's just an idiot. The fact is, I'm
exactly aware of my situation and how I came across, and it
worked out fine - I called her right away, told her I was
impressed with her, and it paid off. If you like this guy, give
it the college try. Let him know you like him. If he ends
things, then so what. At least you put in some effort.
- The Man
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- My girlfriend and I have been
having sex now for a few months. Although we always have to stop
because she isn't producing enough fluid. She assures me that
she is indeed turned on. What could be the problem?
- Josh, Age 17 from Florida
That's normal. Go get yourself some lubricant. KY jelly is
popular, but I'm not sure if it's safe with condoms. KY is water
based if memory serves me right. If you go to a sex toy store,
they will have some really good lubricants and will turn you on
to the ones that are safe with condoms. Those are the silicone
based lubes. That's what you want. Stop having sex until you're
18.
- The Man
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- Can sperm live in a hot
bath?
- Megan, Age 18 from Iowa
Megan, you're not supposed to bathe them until they actually
grow into children. (kidding, of course). No, they can't.
- The Man
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- I have been married for less
than 3 years. We have had less frequent sex for about six
months. Is it normal for my husband to masturbate instead of
turning to me. I have discovered he is masturbating in the house
when I am asleep. I know men like to masturbate, but I wonder
why he would prefer it over having sex with me. Does this sound
like a problem? Or should I ignore it?
- Shell, Age 42 from Texas
Ignore it. Guys will never give up the self service plan. It's
fast, painless, efficient and far cleaner. You might try to find
a few things to add to your routine if he's getting bored.
(Alcohol works wonders.) It's not unusual for this to happen, so
don't worry about it too much. Things do slow down as some men
get older, unfortunately. If you're really lucky, you'll get him
to be honest about which aspect of sex he's less then pleased
with (could be anything really, not even having to do with you
at all). If you can get him to admit the problem, you might be
able to offer a solution. Good luck. He may not want to hurt
your feelings, however, so don't press things if he really
doesn't want to share.
- The Man
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- Do you
have any idea how busy The Answer Man is???! If he doesn't have
time to answer your question, you can always get answers in the
"Ask Each Other" forums from other people just like
you. Click
Here
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- I dated my husband for 2 years
before we got married. We have now been married for 5 months. In
that 5 months he has satisfied me once. He comes sometimes
within 4 thrusts. I am not allowed to touch his penis when we
are fooling around before sex and I am never interested or
turned on. Is there something I can do to make it worth having
sex?
- Amy, Age 29 from Pennsylvania
Yeah, talk to him about it before it's too late. Make sure he
really understand that you have an issue with how things are. He
sounds a little strange - or very, very conservative. You need
to wear him down. Keep bringing it up until he relents a little,
then a little more. Get him to talk to his pals about things if
required - what ever works. He's got to understand it's a two
way street. If he doesn't, he'll certainly get the idea when you
finally stop putting out.
- The Man
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- Do hand jobs do anything for
guys?
- Lauren, Age 15 from New York
Yeah, they make us wish she'd stop wasting time and give us a
nice wet blow job.
- The Man
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- My very jealous boyfriend wants
to watch me get banged by another guy while he watches. I have
to be blindfolded so he wont get jealous (his rules). I was just
wondering why this would turn him on so much. I'm wondering this
because of his jealousy. How could him watching me get screwed
by someone else not make him jealous?
- Tara, Age 20 from Canada
First of all, are you into this nifty plan of his? Does it
excite you? If you're into it, then go for it. Worst that will
happen is that you've bought yourself a one way ticket to a new
boyfriend (meaning that this could cause problems in the
relationship that would eventually lead to it ending). Shit
happens. Frankly he sounds like a dumb ass. I don't know why a
jealous guy would want his woman to bang someone else. Does he
generally have a full set of marbles or is he missing a few? If
not, I'd think about avoiding this wonderful plan of his. As a
source of problems, it sounds like a sure thing.
- The Man
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- I was date raped at age 17. I
have not been on a date since. I have two problems 1) I'm afraid
of dating, 2) I somehow manage to not get asked out on dates.
It's not that I'm ugly it's more like I've spent so many years
trying not to be asked out that I don't have to try anymore. I'm
at the age that I would like to get married and maybe have kids.
What do I do?
- Eileen, Age 27 from Tennessee
Counseling. You need to totally change your view of things. Yes,
there's a possibility for something bad to happen. Women,
unfortunately, do get raped. On the other hand, there are ways
to make things safer for yourself until you feel okay with the
guy:
a. double date
b. only date guys that are friends of friends or have other
similar referrals.
c. go on daytime dates
d. go to public places
e. don't drink on dates or date someone who drinks a lot
f. carry pepper spray in your purse (learn to use it properly)
g. make sure someone knows who you're with and where you're
going - and make sure your date is aware that people know you're
with him
Dating is dangerous for women if you make dangerous decisions
about or during a date. If you're smart and safety oriented, you
can lessen the chances of something bad happening to you. One
thing is for sure - you need to get out there and get some
experience. It's not too late.
- The Man
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- Hey Answer Man, you are cool.
Anyways, I have got a good question for you. I am a substitute
teacher at many high schools. At this certain school there is
this beautiful, sexy, gorgeous woman who I cant help but stare
at. I sub a lot therefore we talk to each other often. I am a
single man and we both have lots in common. I dream about her
day and night. I want her to marry me and have my children.
Should I tell her privately how I feel?
- Max, Age 43 from Idaho
Well, Max, there's a protocol for this type of thing. Usually
'marry me and have my children' comes after something of a
courtship. I think you're liable to scare her away if you go
galloping off towards matrimony on some break in the teacher's
lounge. Why not start by seeing if she'll meet you for coffee
one night while you both create your lesson plans or grade
papers... something like that. If she's into seeing you in
another venue, then you've got a shot. Patience is not just a
virtue, it's a requirement for most people.
- The Man
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- Dear Man, I dislike the idea of
ever getting into a relationship. Why? Because I'm utterly
convinced that my partner will cheat. I really don't care if he
checks out other women - men do that. But how would I know if
he's shacking up with someone calmer, smarter, more attractive
or wealthier than me? It seems most men have it implanted in
their minds that cheating is such a good idea and your
girlfriend deserves no respect. How could I know if he is or
would?
- Emily, Age 19 from Canada
Excellent question. No silver bullet for this one, however.
Trust is inherently risky. If there was no risk, there would be
no need for trust. That being said, I think it's really kind of
beside the point. You're basically saying that you want to deny
yourself a valuable life experience because you are afraid of a
painful consequence. That's no way to go through life, Emily.
Risk takers have better lives. That's why the vast majority of
the people in the world do at one point or another enter into
relationships. Maybe you will get cheated on, but that will help
you understand what NOT to look for in a long term partner. See
what I mean? It's all part of the growing process to find the
right guy. Also, keep in mind that guys mature as they get
older. Maybe the guy your looking for is in his 30's and you're
5 or 10 years away from meeting him. Have fun in the meantime
and experiment a little. Go have a few flings and so what if you
get cheated on. Learn a few things. That way, when the right guy
does come along, you'll be in a position to recognize him.
- The Man
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- Listen to The
Man's 10 Minute Internet Talk Show, built for your coffee break.
Click here
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- Dear Answer Man, my girlfriend
is (for want of a better word), frigid. She will have sex with
me in any position however she refuses to have a lesbian affair
or group sex. I find this very unusual. As I have a very small
penis, and am very poor at having sex, I would assume that she
would leap at the opportunity. However, she procrastinates and
says "No - only with you!". What is WRONG with this
girl? Is it because she's from a different background than I? It
is noted that I am male, middle class and white and she is the
daughter of a Vietnamese prostitute, however, with this
genealogy she still will not satisfy my need for group sex and
multiple partners. How can I convince her that this is a most
natural and enjoyable aspect of life and how can I get her to
put out for others?
- John, Age 32 from Australia
This might sound really strange to you, but some women actually aren't
into the whole lesbian, group sex thing. Getting a partner
to try new things sexually is one of the oldest challenges in
the "How to Make a Relationship Work" handbook, but
this one is really kind of a stretch. Usually, new things in the
realm of sexual relationships are best done in baby steps (sorry
for using that analogy). Going from straight, monogamous sex to
lesbian, porno movie style group orgies is quite a leap. Why
don't you try something a wee bit easier, like climbing Mount
Everest in a bathing suit.
- The Man
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- My friends and I have had this
discussion over and over, yet we don't know the answer to this
question ourselves. What's the difference between "I'm in
love with you" and "I love you"? My boyfriend
says he loves me, but he's not in love with me. Could you tell
me if one is more serious than the other? For instance, I wonder
if being "in love" is more like puppy love, whereas
"I love you" is more serious. Please help me out!
- Fancy, Age 19 from New York
Good question. Generally you're "in love" with a
romantic interest while you could just plain love anyone. For
instance, you probably wouldn't say, "I'm in love with my
mom" (unless you were from Oklahoma), but you could say,
"I love my mom". See the difference?
- The Man
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- We're two girls from Essex, and
we were just wondering whether you could answer us a few
questions? Firstly, we'd like to know whether a man can wear a
condom in the shower for sexual intercourse or in the
sea/swimming pool? We always see people having sex in these
conditions on TV. Secondly, how do you fake an orgasm? Lastly,
why do boys find it a turn on to do someone up the arse? Loads
of luv.
- Charlie and Chloe, Age 14 from England
Firstly, condoms break in water. Even without a condom you can't
have sex easily in water. TV makes things look possible when
they really don't happen in real life. Secondly, I'm not going
to tell a 14 year old how to fake an orgasm. Finally, boy's like
to put the damn thing anywhere they can. It's all a turn on.
You'll understand when you get a bit older, luv.
- The Man
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- During oral sex with my husband
I get this big feeling of having to go to the bathroom. My
husband says that I'm completely aroused and its a big orgasm
and that I cant have a orgasm and urinate at the same time. He
says I should just let it go. Is he right or should I make a
bee-line for the bathroom?
- Amy, Age 31 from Kansas
Have him eat you out in the bathtub. Let him know he's down
there at his own risk. If it's not an orgasm after all then he
gets a mouth full of piss - and then you'll know. If he doesn't
like it he'll fill you in. Sounds to me like he might like it if
he's willing to risk it. Just give him the fair warning and then
have at it. You're not the first woman to write to me about
this.
- The Man
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- Dear Man: One side of me is a
DD, the other is one cup size more plentiful than that. The rest
of the bod is perfectly fine. Be honest with me (I mean, kindly,
don't stop at saying something merely cute like you sometimes
do); when love's involved, and you're seeing a girl naked for
the first time, how much does marginal lopsidedness matter? The
sexy-info books all failed to mention this source of concern for
me. If you say it's OK, I'll assume you speak for 89% of guys.
If not, I'll just make damn sure I've got one in the other 11%.
Thanks for your thoughts on this one.
- Michelle, Age 24 from Texas
I don't think you're going to have any problem at all. He
probably won't even notice. By the way, big boobs aren't usually
a problem for most guys. I've never noticed anything about the
tits of women I've been with except that they exist and they're
fun to play with. If one was larger then the other, which I
understand is not all too uncommon, I've never personally
noticed.
- The Man
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