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--- Advice Column for Dec, 2002 ---
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I've been with my boyfriend for a few months now and
we constantly tell each other that we love each other.
Recently, he found out that his mum has cancer and,
because he doesn't talk about how he feels, he's asked
for a break. Now we're back together and he's treating
me like crap! Do I continue on with the relationship or
break it off?
- Hayley, Age 15 from Australia
It's never okay when someone treats you like crap,
but he's in a serious situation and it is probably
messing with him in ways he's not prepared to handle.
You might cut him some slack while he's going through
this difficult time as long as he understands that you
don't like the way he's treating you and he's got to
work on controlling his emotions and behavior. In other
words, if he's willing to work on things with you, then
I'd say it's worth putting up with under his present
circumstances.
- The Man
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My boyfriend of 2 months has asked me to fulfill his
fantasy of having two women make love to him. The nerve
of him :( I could not imagine watching him make love to
another woman. Why is he asking for this? I am great in
bed, beautiful, and I have never had any complaints. I
have a lot of experience as I am an ex-prostitute. I am
a skilled and passionate lover. What the h--- is this
man's problem? Should I dump him and move on? Please,
Help!
- Lavita, Age 40 from Virginia
So you're an ex-prostitute and yet you're pissed off
he's wanting to get freaky deaky with you and a
girlfriend? Excuse me for pointing this out, but you're
an ex-prostitute. I'm surprised you're asking me for
advice on why he wants this. I'm not saying that you
should do it - I wouldn't if I were you - but I'm a
little amazed that you wouldn't already understand the
male mind after working so closely with horny guys in
your past. I wouldn't be surprised if knowing about your
past makes him think you're open to lots of things. By
the way, lots of guys ask their women for a 3-some even
if they weren't ex-prostitutes, so don't be too
offended.
- The Man
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When a woman makes love to a man and he comes right
away, does that mean it's good sex or bad sex?
- Gina, Age 29 from Pennsylvania
Well, good sex is 'good' when you really have an
amazing experience. It's hard to do that when the ride is
30 seconds or less. If you don't have time to break a
sweat, how good could it possibly be? I've had women rock
my world and I've had women that were so boring I wouldn't
even be sure they would still be on top of me if I closed
my eyes. Fast is never good (especially for the poor woman
who's getting all dirty and wet for a second-rate, nickel
ride), but slow doesn't always mean good either. Good is
that intangible feeling you get after sex when you lie
back exhausted and wonder what train just hit you.
- The Man
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Is it wrong to want to see another guy's dick? What
about wanting to suck his dick? Why do I have such a big
urge to see another guy's dick? I know I'm not gay. Can
you help me out? THANKS!!!
- JC, Age 21 from Texas
Okay... You have an urge to knob some guy, but you know
you're not gay? I hate to be the one to break it to you,
pal, but you sound pretty gay to me. At the very least,
you're sounding bi-sexual. In my book, if you have an urge
to smoke some guy's pole, then you're probably batting
from the other side of the plate, at least part of the
time. Maybe you should rethink things if you still think
you're not gay or bi... Just until you get a firmer grasp
on reality.
- The Man
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Is it normal for a heterosexual man to shave his
pubic hair? I recently started a relationship with this
guy and found out he shaves... I've never heard of this
before. I thought it might be a homosexual thing? I
asked him why he does it and he says he likes it because
he feels clean. Any Advice?
- Terri, Age 32 from New York
I know a lot of guys who do it. My last girlfriend
actually insisted I do it - she liked it for the same
reason why I liked that she was shaved. It's kind of
sexy. (Actually two recent women I dated wanted me to be
shaved and, by the way, I sure hope my mom doesn't read
this issue.) Ever since then I keep it up, or, at the
very least, trimmed. I've started to feel like sort of a
cave man when I get too furry, if you know what I mean.
I do have to mention that sometimes I wonder about what
will happen with the next woman I get involved with.
It's going to be a little difficult to explain if she's
not used to it - kind of like your situation I guess.
- The Man
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Why are older men interested in younger girls, even
though they could possibly go to jail?
- Ashley, Age 14 from Ohio
Passion. Passion has a power over people that few
understand. Personally, I think there ought to be a
chapter on the power of passion in every sex education
text book from the earliest grades and on up. Passion
can move mountains and canyons. It can also make grown
men forget themselves and their peril (and the peril of
the young women they sometimes molest). Frankly, I think
they are idiots and they deserve to go to jail. NOT
having sex with a 14 year old is a matter of self
control. They choose to ignore their own good judgment
in return for a few minutes of pleasure. Stupidity. Do
yourself a favor. Stay away from this guy, whoever he
is. If he's your teacher, get a new class.
- The Man
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I'm 27 and have been married for 4 years. Lately, I
met up with my ex boyfriend from when I was 18. He made
an effort to visit me in my town. The problem is that he
is already married. I think I am falling for him. We
made love the night he came. He never told me he loved
me, but he always tells me he misses me and told me that
maybe, in the near future, we are meant to be. He loves
his wife, whom he chose over me 8 years ago. Do you
think he has feelings for me or am I just one his girls?
I am confused. Help me with your honest answer. Thanks.
- Anna, Age 27 from The Philippines
This is the most difficult thing to read because,
either way, he's going to sound very convincing. If he's
telling the truth, he's going to sound like he's for
real. If he's lying to you, he's probably old enough and
wise enough to sound sincere. I usually tell people to
play with fire at their own risk. In other words, if
you're married (and he's married) and you're both
fooling around with each other, then you deserve
whatever you get. If you're meant to be together then so
be it. If you're meant to get caught or fucked over,
then you'll certainly deserve it for cheating on your
husband and, in doing so, breaking your vows. Only time
will tell with this one.
- The Man
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Every time I see an ex-boyfriend around I really feel
down. It happens both with guys who I broke up with and
even those that broke up with me even if I'm now dating
a guy who's far superior to any of them. Please advise
me.
- Audrey, Age 25 from Ireland
You're 25. Perhaps you're starting to wonder if
you're ever going to meet the right guy, or if you're
ever going to get married? It's difficult when life
doesn't meet your expectations. A failed relationship
can be a reminder of this anxiety. I guess you just need
to chill out a little and try not to worry about it. One
other reason, by the way, is that you really don't like
your current man and would rather be with someone else,
even if he doesn't have the qualities or intelligence of
your present boyfriend...
- The Man
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I used to do drugs and then I went to rehab for a few
months. Now I'm clean and I haven't been associating
with my old friends. I'm writing because most nice guys
are not attracted to me. They still think I am a bad
girl. How do I clear up my rep?
- Genevieve, Age 17 from Illinois
Time heals all wounds, and leading is done by
example. These two things apply to you. You can't clean
up a reputation in a few months. It might take a couple
of years. People need to get used to seeing you
drug-free and normal before they begin to believe you're
not a problem person. That takes time. They need to
forget the old you and get used to the new you. Also,
you need to continually reinforce the concept that
you've changed. That also takes time, but it is
primarily a leadership role. You need to 'lead' them to
believe that you're fixed. In other words, you need to
convince them that you're, in fact, a nice girl. Dress
nice. Act nice. Don't do bad things. Over time, people
will begin to see the change. It takes patience. Good
luck.
- The Man
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The extra strength Trojan condom with spermicidal
lubricant box says that this condom with spermicidal
lubricant should not be used as a substitute for use of
spermicide and a condom. What does that mean? Does it
make sense to you? Thanks.
- Harley, Age 21 from New York
I suppose they are just trying to cover their ass,
legally speaking. If the condom breaks and someone gets
pregnant, they would be pretty upset considering they
are using a condom AND it's got a spermicide as well.
Trojan is probably saying that it's a good idea to use
both, even if the condom already contains some
spermicide. Just in case. Since they are telling you
that right on the box, you're going to have a tougher
time suing them if you get your woman pregnant while
using their product.
- The Man
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I am married to a man who is not circumcised. It
really affects our sex life, because I can't go down on
him. (It always has a certain smell!) We've tried
cleaning it before sex, but that ruins the moment. I
don't know what to do! I am so horny for him, and I like
to give bj's, so it is really bothering me! Any
suggestions?
- Gina, Age 26 from California
Well, there's two things you can do: talk him into a
painful surgery (actually it only takes a second if
you've ever seen it done) or learn ways to make cleaning
it into a sexy thing. I can think of ways a woman could
turn me on while she wash-clothed me down... Use your
imagination. By the way, in case I forget to mention it
- YUCK! Thanks for the visual.
- The Man
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The other night I got saved at church and my
boyfriend is holding me back. He is a pot head. I go to
church and I try to get him to come too but he doesn't
care. We have been dating on and off for 2 years so I
don't just want to give up. Should I break up with him
or what?
- Reann, Age 16 from Mississippi
Reann, I'm not much into religion myself, but I still
think it's okay to be a good person. If he's not into
religion either, then you're fighting an uphill battle
by talking about it to him. Instead, you should simply
let him know that you're interested in improving
yourself. You want to be a better person, not
necessarily because of god, but because it's the right
thing to do. Then you can give him a choice. If he wants
to join you in bettering himself then you've succeeded.
If not, then you'll know that, while you're going to go
on with your life to new achievements, he won't and it's
as simple as that. In other words, you can dump him
after you give him a chance to understand what you're
trying to do with your life. If he wants to be a better
person WITH you, then you keep the guy. I suggest you
keep "god" out of it if you really want him.
Preaching to people who are not into god is a big
turnoff and can backfire on you. Good luck.
- The Man
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