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• I met a guy from England on a recent ski trip to the Alps that I take each year with my Scandinavian girlfriends. I meet men all the time; and finding a date isn't too hard. Finding someone I really am attracted to mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally is very rare. I really connected with this guy and spent half of my days and nights with him. No sex yet; we agreed it was way premature and neither of us were interested in a casual sex affair. He's 34 and a busy London Banker. We shared the feeling [or at least he expressed the same level of rare-connection] of really having something special. I suggested we try a long distance relationship. He sort of agreed, but didn't really spell it out for me. After that conversation, he spoke to me and treated me like his girlfirend in front of his friends. It really felt quite nice and it was really special. He gave me his email and phone number, and I said I would email when I returned to the States. Which I did. I kept things light and fun and warm. He doesn't reply promptly to my emails, and when I gave him a local London number to phone me at home in CT, he didn't acknowledge it OR phone me. In fact, his messages are very short, and distant feeling; and not very personal. I've been around long enough to know that he wasn't a fraud. What could have changed? Why so cold? We really connected and had a lot of fun; and we have so much in common. We both talked about our desire to get married, and shared similiar value systems, hobbies and independence. I'm HOT. I'm smart. I don't get it. I told him I'm moving to London in September and he didn't even acknowledge it. Should I get out now? Am I a complete idiot? What kind of a guy just completely withdraws without an explanation? I could really use some advice. As silly as it sounds; and as early as it was; I really thought he was the one.
   - Jane, Age 35 from Connecticut on May 08, 06
  
  The search for true love and connection on every level is a challenging one. Especially for us women who've already got it all - brains, looks, and a heart of gold. My theory is that if a guy really cares for you and wants to be with you, he will make it known in no uncertain terms. In my experience, once a guy sees what he wants, he will go after it with unbridled enthusiasm before the risk of another suitor should present. A Diva should never have to guess if her love interest is truly interested. So if he can't step up to the plate, I would guess that either there's another woman in the picture or he's got some other issues. I hate to break it to you, but I think you need to move on. And no, you are not an idiot! Good luck.
  - The Diva

• I have a major problem. My boyfriend just broke up with me. He told me that he was just not ready for a long term relationship. I cannot sleep or eat. I need him! He is my everything! I feel like I can not go on without him here for me! Do you think that we will be back together again? Does he just need sometime? I don't want to give him too much time because he might find someone else. He told me that he loved me and then he does this to me. I don't believe in love anymore. I have been hurt one too many times!! Please help me. Thank you.
   - April, Age 20 from New York on Apr 30, 06
  
  Break-ups can suck, I mean, really, really suck. Especially if it came at you like a mac truck with no warning at all. Love is probably one of the most powerful drugs on the planet. It can make us feel incredibly high, yet when it is taken away, it can take us to the darkest depths we've ever known. So let me tell, you may feel like you can't go on. But you can. You just have to decide that you want to. It's time to find your inner Amazon and fight like hell to regain your dignity and sanity. Step 1: Have one more mourning day - cry, eat ice cream and all the chocolate your heart desires, watch sappy movies, look through all the artifacts of your relationship. Step 2: Get dressed and arrange to meet with up a girlfriend and shop, shop, shop!! A new pair of shoes, a handbag and a makeover from MAC are just what you need! Day 3: Pack up all his shit and either burn it or trash it. This will be hard - but trust me, it is a must do in order to get over this hearbreak. Day 4: Get a profile up on a dating site of your choice - trust me, there's nothing like having a multitude of admirers to remind you that there are plenty of fish in the sea. I promise you, love does exist and the right person is out there for you. And the right person will come your way when you are truly ready. Good luck.
  - The Diva

• Diva- I met a really great girl, but everytime she comes to visit me she wants nothing to do with chit-chat. She basically just wants to mount. My friend Arthur told me that it is possible that she is having problems in her career and that this will pass. Have you ever heard of such a thing, and how can I get her to focus on me as a person and not just my chutney-cannon and beanbag? It hurts to feel used.
   - Digby, Age 32 from South Dakota on Apr 30, 06
  
  Digby, I'm wondering why you are complaining? After all, talking is sooooo overrated. (Kidding on that one.) Sounds like you two have established more of a f*ck-buddy relationship than an interpersonal relationship. If you want something more with this "great girl" then I suggest you take your interactions out of the bedroom and into the public arena. I'm sure she wouldn't be sad to be taken out to dinner, to hear some live music, or to check out an art gallery. Or, my personal favorite - shopping. Just recognize that what you are getting for free is gonna cost you once you go this route. Good luck.
  - The Diva

• I met a man online about a month ago and we started dating. There was a lot of attention and emails and phone calls from both ends. He wrote in one of his emails that he
   - Miss Kitty, Age 34 from California on Apr 30, 06
  
  I met a man online about a month ago and we started dating. There was a lot of attention and emails and phone calls from both ends. He wrote in one of his emails that he "really, really liked me, that I made him laugh and think, and wonder, and" you get the idea. Two weeks ago, I spent the night with him in a hotel room and we "messed around." Now he isn't calling or emailing, and he seems to have lost all that desire. Sadly, this is not the first time this has happened to me. I guess my question is, when a man says all those nice things to me, is it really in pursuit of sex, do they just mean it at the time or are they just fickle? I would really like to think that I have more to offer a man than just sex, but my experiences with men and sex have not been very positive. Please help before I become bitter and lonely!! ANSWER: The world of on-line dating can be a lot of fun, but also a treacherous one. While we would like to think that everyone out there has good intentions and is honest, the reality is that it ain't necessarily so. Before you become bitter and lonely, I suggest you get clear on what you are looking for. Are you looking for a fun hook-up or a long term relationship? Do you think it's a good idea to sleep with a man right away before you truly know his intentions? Sometimes, we get so caught up in the chase and the excitement of the moment that we don't take the time to determine if we really like this person or not. I think your truth is that you are looking for something more substantial, but don't have the wherewithall to expect it and not settle for less. And that's why some women end up feeling burned by men - because they don't say what they want and they don't hold boundaries. So, yes, there are men out there who lose interest once they have made their conquest. They will say whatever it takes to get you into bed. And for that reason, you need to have a finely tuned bullshit detector. But there are also some great catches out there as well. The Diva has found one. :) I suggest you take the time to get past the superficial compliments and flirtations and perhaps you will have a better result. Good luck and happy cyber-hunting!
  - The Diva

• I like this boy and I think he likes me but I don't know. What should I do??
   - Sam, Age 13 from New York on Apr 30, 06
  
  Why don't you try to the classic note trick. Write the following on a piece of paper: Do you like me? Circle your answer. Yes--No---Maybe Have a friend pass it to him in class and see what he says. If that doesn't work, you can always try following him around school and see if he seems to mind. If he doesn't tell you to get lost, I'd say that's a pretty good sign. Good luck.
  - The Diva

• I have been dating my boyfriend for around nine months. He is in school, lives with his parents and has no job, so everything we do is on me. I have spent a LOT of money on this man. I don't know why I wrote that, that's not the point. The point is, in these nine months, the only nice thing he has ever said to me was that he likes that I give him massages. I don't want to be the kind of girl who is in a relationship merely for the ego-boost of being told she's beautiful, and loved, and that the man worships her... But I am feeling like this is a very one-sided relationship. We never talk on the phone, because I am afraid of inconveniencing him, and he doesn't return half of my emails. We have never had a discussion on the state of the relationship. I think it's time. He spends three or four days a week at my apartment with me, so I don't know. If he doesn't love me by now, he never will, will he?
   - Yvonne, Age 23 from Ireland on Apr 30, 06
  
  You know, I'm starting to feel like a broken record on this issue - but it is such an important message that I think all young women need to remember. If your man is not giving you what you need and he doesn't step up after you tell him what you need, he needs to be kicked to the curb. Yvonne, you sound like a lovely young woman. Have you told your boyfriend what you want out of this relationship? From what you have told me, it does seem very one sided and you deserve better. I would have the big talk with him and if he can't hang, you need to move on. There are plenty of fish out there that live on their own, have a job, and are emotionally available. Why settle for less? Good luck.
  - The Diva

• I've been talking to this guy who I'm really interested in. There is another guy who really likes me, but a while ago he went out with my friend (he chose her over me). I had strong feelings for him earlier this year, but I don't anymore. I think he likes me again and I don't know if I should pick the guy that I'm really interested in or the guy that likes me? I really like them both, but I'm just not sure.
   - Tina, Age 19 from Arizona on Apr 09, 06
  
  So let me get this straight, you are wondering if you should go for a guy who didn't pick you last time around, or a guy that you're totally into? Let's rephrase this issue - do you want to be someone's second choice or their first? If there isn't any easy answer to that question, then your solution is just as simple. Date them both. That's what the Diva does when she can't make up her mind. Good luck.
  - The Diva

• I have a problem. I've been seeing this really great guy. We've been together for a couple of months and already have had sex. He wants me to give him a blow job and I really don't want to. He's great, I just don't like the idea of it. I keep putting it off and I think he is getting mad. What do you think I should do??? Thanks.
   - Chelsea, Age 18 from Massachusetts on Apr 08, 06
  
  So Chelsea, are you not willing to try it because it grosses you out? Or perhaps you don't know what to do? (The Answer Man can fill you in on those details.) It can certainly feel very intimidating to give oral sex if you have just entered into the sexual arena, so to speak. The Diva thinks that sex can be an amazing thing between two consenting adults willing to explore new things together. There has to be some give and take in all good relationships - especially in the bedroom. If you don't want to give him a blow job, then don't. Perhaps you need to work yourself up to the actual act - you might consider licking it with your favorite condiment of choice? Just a suggestion! Good luck.
  - The Diva

• What does it mean when a woman you've been seeing says that she "likes you", "likes you too much" (as in attraction), but is "confused" and wants to "be friends"?
   - Mike, Age 32 from California on Apr 05, 06
  
  Sounds to me like a potentially classic case of the crazies to me. It could mean that she wants your attention and all of the benefits, but she doesn't want to sleep with you. It could mean that she is working through some personal issues and isn't ready to commit to a relationship. I'd ask for clarification on what she means and go from there. Good luck.
  - The Diva

• What is the fastest way to lose man boobs? Mine are not really that big, they don't even go like an inch out, but I just want know how to get them to go down the fastest way possible.
   - Mike, Age 16 from Michigan on Apr 05, 06
  
  Well, the fastest way is probably a trip to the plastic surgeon. But given the fact that you are only 16 and plastic surgery is expensive, let me give you a few other suggestions. There are a couple of things you can do. Number 1 - hit the gym and start working out your pecs. Bench presses, and flyes should be your new best friends. If your level of body fat is up there, you need to do some cardio on a consistent basis as well. Ask a personal trainer for some advice on how much you should do. I highly recommend running. It's a really effective fat burner. And finally there's the question of diet. If you have man boobs I am guessing that you may be a little bit overweight... cause man boobs aren't made of air right? You need to cut out the junk, ie. sugar and fat. If you substitute healthier choices on a consistent basis, you should see changes in a matter of weeks! Good luck.
  - The Diva