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• I have been living with my boyfriend for a year now. I am never invited to his parents for any Holidays. Also, his parents have not been to the house since I've moved in. He won't talk to me about it either. I'm 53 and he's 48. His mother told him he shouldn't date me because I have a heart condition. He's very tight with his money, he makes me pay for half of the check when we go out. I'm totally frustrated and am planning on moving out. Any insight on what is going on with him?
   - Joyce, Age 53 from Minnesota on Mar 29, 08
  
  This is just another one of those 'should love win out' letters. Do you think love should win out? Can you put up with the pet peeves you have because you love him so much? If not, leave. And stop worrying about the parents. Who knows, maybe it's a blessing in disguise? How many people do you think write to me about how their in-laws are a pain in the arse? Well, none for a while to be honest, but you get the point. That's just a silly thing to worry about.
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• I am so scared. My parents have been fighting a lot and I think they are going to have a divorce. I asked my mom if they are and she doesn't answer. I am really worried because if they do I wouldn't know what to do. I wouldn't know who to choose. What should I do?
   - Jessica, Age 10 from New York on Nov 07, 06
  
  Hi Jessica. Your parents will always be your parents regardless of whether they choose not to live with one another. Sometimes people grow apart. It's natural and unfortunately as a ten year old, there really isn't much you can do. Recently a study came out showing that fewer than 50% of couples are married these days. That puts married people in the minority, which means you're in the same boat as a lot of 10 year old kids out there. I think that the most you can do is hope they stay together and that's really about it. Try to relax. Divorce sucks when you're 10, but there are some positive things that can come from it. For instance, your folks won't fight so much. That's means less stress for you. I don't know if you'll have to choose. Usually parents share custody. Good luck!
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• I'm going through divorce and my ex-wife has pretty much given me everything and I still don't think its enough. I have the kids 50% of time, I pay minimal child support on my two boys and she has repeatedly cut me breaks during the divorce. She has a new boyfriend who is a really great guy and rides a kick ass dirt bike.... Should I hate him or am I just a friggin whiny-ass moron who expects life to be handed to him? By the way I have been banging the day-care lady for the past five years. She smells so great with orange oil on her and she's always sending me pictures of her breasts. I'm friends with her husband.
   - Fred, Age 31 from Michigan on Nov 04, 06
  
  I'm tending to lean towards 'whiny-ass moron'. There's so many issues here I'm not sure where to start. First of all, you're cheating on your wife with a friend's wife. That makes you a double home-wrecker. Secondly, you're concerned about the fact that your wife's new boyfriend rides a stupid motorcycle. You're 31! Are you really still that immature at 31? I suppose I could understand if it was a Porche because many women desire security and everyone likes fancy things, but a dirt bike? That's like a high school issue, not a complex 'why our marriage ended' issue. I think you should let your wife and her new boyfriend be - and I think you should do a couple of things to make her feel better in the divorce just as she has done for you. It's a growth experience, Fred. Obviously she wasn't the right girl for you if you felt compelled to cheat on her all the time. Wish her the best of luck (and mean it) and hope she has a good and happy life.
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• A man that I have been friends with for years is in a relationship with a girl who he has realized and admitted that he does not love. I am also friends with the girl. I am falling for this guy and there is an obvious connection between us (even his friends have noticed and think we'd be great together). I don't want to get between him and his girl so he is unaware of my feelings and we are all just friends. The question is, do I wait around or move on? He and I are the same age 38 the girl friend is 25
   - Cat, Age 38 from Canada on Nov 04, 06
  
  It's hard to compete with a 25 year old when you're 38. I think you have to hang back. If he's not in love with her, it will end soon enough. Sex is only good for a while. Eventually both people get tired of it and start looking for something more meaningful. My sense is that eventually you'll get your chance to express your feelings. When you do get the chance, I say go-for-broke. Otherwise you'll always wonder what could have been.
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• Me and my ex boyfriend have decided to stay friends. I have told him more then once that I'm over him and don't want to be with him. He has a new girlfriend now. He says he loves her but I doubt it because he says that about every girl he dates. I can't stop thinking about him. I don't call him any more and I have a boyfriend. Am I really over him?
   - Mandi, Age 17 from Oregon on Nov 04, 06
  
  Not if you're writing to me about it. Do you want to be over him? Was there some problem that ended the relationship? I think you can get over anyone with enough time - especially at 17. You're not really supposed to take relationships that seriously at your age anyway. If you really want to be over this guy for some reason, then time will work in your favor - eventually you'll be free of him.
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• Two days ago my boyfriend came home from a trip that he took for work. He had been gone for a little over a week. In a nutshell, he came home and caught me masturbating to a porno. He said that it wasn't right for a female to masturbate and especially to a porno. He said that if I didn't quit it, we were through. I love him but I also love to pleasure myself to. What should I do?
   - Luanne, Age 25 from Indiana on Nov 04, 06
  
  First of all, he's nuts. Nuts nuts nuts! If I caught my girl masturbating, I'd pull up a chair and grab some popcorn - but only until I got so turned-on I'd have to drop the popcorn right on the floor and hop onto her like some half crazed dog humping someone's leg. Or something like that anyway. Basically as I've already said, he's out of his cranium! So, what should you do? I say you should do what us guys do when we're in your situation. Learn to not get caught!
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• My boyfriend and I have been together for four months. It seemed that everything was going great until he suddenly pulled back emotionally and seemed distant. He is 25 and I am 29. I tend to take this personal. How should I deal with this and is this normal for guys?
   - Mandy, Age 29 from Georgia on Nov 04, 06
  
  Sometimes men just need space - as do women. It's important to learn to read and respect the signs. If someone needs space and you smother them, then they will just fight for more and more space. On the other hand, if you give them what they need (even if what they need is a little alone time) then they will come around. I suggest you back off. Take some time for yourself and get some things done that you've been meaning to do. If he doesn't come around soon - maybe within a week or two, I'd consider having a serious chat with him about the issue. At some point you cross the line between needing space and actually wanting to be out of a relationship.
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• My whole family wants to move to America. My mum and dad are separated but they still live together and dad doesn't want to go to America because he thinks he is in love with a woman. I'm devastated that my dad wants to give up my happiness for his and mum doesn't want to go to America without him so basically it's his decision. He has been spending a great amount of time with this woman and no time with me or the other three of his children. I am so angry but I don't know whether I am being selfish or if he is. He thinks I will get over it but I won't because America is really important to me. Please help!!!
   - H. D., Age 14 from Australia on Nov 04, 06
  
  I know you're interested in visiting America, but at 14 you have your whole life ahead of you. I know it seems like a long time, but your adult life is when you get to make those kinds of decisions. Until then you just have to deal with it like the rest of us. I was 13 when my mom decided to move all of us to a new home and I had no choice. I wasn't happy about it at all either because I was leaving America at the time and didn't want to. Today I speak two languages so even though I hated the fact that we moved, I realize that the experience I had made it worth it. In the end, my parents knew best even though I would never have dreamed that was true at the time. Your parents are much older than you and, frankly, have less time to find happiness then you do. All that being said, I do NOT think you're selfish for wanting to spend more time with you dad - so you have a valid issue there. At 14 he should be making time for you and your brothers and sisters. I think you should abandon the America idea for now - you'll never get your dad to give up love for a new life in the US, but can you can have a serious talk with him about spending more time with you. That's completely valid.
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• What makes a woman a good lover? Are their certain moves that drive men crazy? I really like this guy and we have been dating a while. I really want our first time together to be wonderful for him.
   - Christina, Age 21 from North Carolina on Nov 04, 06
  
  I recently dated a girl who was so sexy it blew my mind. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), 'sexy' is in the eye of the beholder. I have memories of things she did to me when we being intimate that to her probably don't stand out at all. Small things that, to me, were the most erotic, sexy things I've ever experienced. I never told her about these things, but they drove me wild. I guess you'll just have to be yourself. That's probably the sexiest thing of all. In the end, I think good guys care more about that person they are with than anything else - or at least they should. By that I just mean that if he really likes you, you'll be sexy no matter what you do.
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• My boyfriend told me that he thinks he is becoming more mature because before he used to want a good looking girlfriend but now that is not so important to him. Personality is more important for him now. Then he told me I wasn't so good looking - about 6 or 7 out of 10. But he said he really likes my personality. How should I feel?
   - Erin, Age 25 from Australia on Nov 04, 06
  
  Well, this young man clearly has no college degree in tact, but I wouldn't kick him out of the house. Even though he was totally insulting to you, I think he was trying in his own way to express his feelings. It sounds like he really likes you. I would let him know that his saying that has hurt your feelings a little - every girl likes to be told she's pretty. I don't think it's wrong for you to feel a little hurt. I do think it's important to work with him, however, so he understands that he made you feel badly. If you don't help him understand that, he may not get the message before it's too late.
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